The New Surgeon On Duty
by Stary0706
Summary: A new surgeon comes on duty to the 4077th, much to their suprise it is a woman. I am not good at summaries, so just read and Review! But please be kind, it was my first fic and I am trying to fix it up a bit! Thanks! New Chapter- Chapter 09
1. Default Chapter

Authors Note:  
  
Hi everyone out there in Fiction Land! Just a little heads up to what is going to go on in my story. I am quite aware that there were no surgeons who were woman in the Korean War, however, I think that it makes for an interesting story. Please feel free to Read and Review, but be kind, because it is my first fic written!  
  
Thanks a lot,  
  
*Stary* 


	2. First word on the new surgeon

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MASH, no matter how much I would love too, I don't, so please don't sue me! Thanks (  
  
It was a surprisingly warm fall day down at the 4077 MASH. Hawkeye just spent the entire night in the OR trying to pull shrapnel out of this 18 year old kid, and just got back to the tent.  
  
"Did you hear Hawk?" BJ says as his exhausted bunkmate comes through the makeshift door.  
  
"Hear what?" He replied, flopping down face first on the cot.  
  
"We are getting a new Doctor."  
  
"Really? And who is this new doctor?"  
  
"I am not too sure, all I know is that we are getting one. Potter will probably tell us more in the next day or so." BJ Says, pouring 2 martinis into a glass, handing one to Hawkeye.  
  
"I also heard talk about another tent being put up." He says smirking. This got Hawkeye's attention, "Another tent you say? Could it be fresh meat for me to feast my eyes on?" He says smiling.  
  
"Perhaps, or maybe, it's just talk."  
  
On the loud speaker, "Attention, will the following personal please report to Colonel Potters Office,"  
  
"You have got to be kidding me." Pierce says.  
  
"Major Houlihan, Major Burns, Captain Pierce, Captain Hunnicut and Father Mulcahy. That is all."  
  
"Let's go Hawk."  
  
"No, let's not go, let's stay here, and wait for them to get us."  
  
"Let's go Hawk." BJ repeats himself.  
  
He groans, and gets up off the cot. They head to Potters office, "This better be good Colonel. I was busy trying to dream of Hotlips!" Pierce says, sitting down on one of the chairs.  
  
Houlihan starts to open up her mouth to protest, like normal, but Potter beats her to it,  
  
"Keep your trap shut Pierce. Alright, listen up; we have a new doctor coming to our MASH. They say she's a first rate cutter and will be arriving on Tuesday at 1000 Hours."  
  
"Colonel, did you say 'She'?" Burns asks, in complete shock.  
  
"That's right Major, I said 'She'." He repeats himself.  
  
"It will be nice to have a woman who is a doctor around the compound! I for one am glad!" Margaret says.  
  
"Me too!" Hawk says. "It will be nice to have a new woman around the compound."  
  
"I expect you to be on your best behavior Hawkeye." Potter warned, but a faint smile came across his face.  
  
"Of course Colonel, I expect to treat her first rate, and then some." He says slyly. BJ snickers and Margaret rolls her eyes.  
  
"What school did she attend sir?" Burns asks, in his normal whiney way.  
  
"It says she is a Harvard Graduate, top 10% of her class, right up there with all of you grade wise."  
  
"Where is she from?" BJ asks.  
  
"It says here she's from Philadelphia Pennsylvania."  
  
"Her name Colonel?" Father Mulcahy asks.  
  
"It says her name is Kimberly. Dr. Kimberly Ann Miller, she is also a Captain." Potter says reading her enlistment papers. "Radar will be picking her up Tuesday, and they should get back in time for lunch."  
  
"Pity for her." BJ says. "The least she could do was miss her first lunch here."  
  
"Where will she be staying Colonel?" Hotlips asks, with a bit eagerness.  
  
"Why Hotlips? Afraid she is going to be cramping your and Franks style during those late night rendezvous?" Hawkeye says.  
  
"COLONEL!" Frank and Margaret say together.  
  
"That isn't necessary Pierce!" He scolds him. "She will be staying in her own tent. It will be set up next to yours Margaret."  
  
"Alright." She says, breathing a sigh of relief.  
  
"Or of course she could always stay in the Swamp! I have plenty of room in my cot!"  
  
"Honestly Pierce, are you ever serious!" Margaret huffs.  
  
"I tried it once, but people just laughed." Was his reply to her. He uses this one way too much.  
  
"Any more questions?" Potter asks.  
  
"I don't think so Colonel." Frank says.  
  
"Alright then, Dismissed!" He says, and they all walk out.  
  
"I can't believe it. We have a woman surgeon!" Margaret says. "This is so exciting! I mean I have never been in an outfit with a woman doctor."  
  
"I have." Frank says, grudgingly. "They think that just because there a woman they are able to take over the place. Trust me, things aren't going to be the same. You'll see. This woman will try taking over our entire hospital!"  
  
"You don't say Frank! Because I happen to be a woman and you don't see me trying to take over the hospital!" Hotlips starts to get a bit annoyed.  
  
"Yeah, but your just a nurse! She is a doctor!"  
  
Well that was the last straw for the Major. All the little hairs on her neck stood straight up, and she yelled, "JUST A NURSE! I'll show you just a nurse! Next time you need a nurse you can just call someone else!" And she goes storming off into her tent.  
  
"Well what's her problem?" Frank asks.  
  
"Looks like you just dug yourself into a hole, Frank." BJ says.  
  
"Trouble in paradise Frank?" Hawk smiles.  
  
"None of your business!" Frank cackles and walks away from the two captains.  
  
"I for one am anxious to meet the new surgeon." BJ says.  
  
"Likewise." And they head back to the Swamp. "Now, where was I? Oh yes. I was about to go unconscious for about 2 days." And he flops on his cot.  
  
*To be continued  
  
I hope your liking it so far, please R and R, but be gentle, being my first one and all! *STARY* 


	3. Meeting Cpt Kimberly A Miller

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MASH, no matter how much I would love too, I don't, so please don't sue me! Thanks (  
  
Tuesday comes very fast, and everyone was eager to meet this new surgeon. Around 11:30, she arrives at the compound and goes to see the Colonel.  
  
"Colonel Potter?" She says shyly.  
  
"Come in." He says. "Captain Miller?"  
  
"Yes sir." She says as she salutes him.  
  
"Welcome to the 4077 MASH." He says, returning the salute.  
  
"Thank you sir. Here are my orders." She hands them to him. She is dressed very neatly, in her Captains uniform, her hair tied neatly in a bun. She was a very slim woman, only about 5'1 105lbs. Very attractive. She looked like a dancer, or a gymnast, but not the typical doctor, and she was young, only 30 years old, which makes her only out of med school 3 years tops.  
  
"Radar."  
  
"Sir?" Radar was already at the side of the Colonel before he even finished his name.  
  
"Take Captain Miller to her quarters please, and show her around."  
  
"Yes sir, this way maim." Radar takes her bags and shows her to her tent. "Your tent is right next to Major Houlihan."  
  
"Thanks, Radar is it?" She asks curiously.  
  
"Well my real name Walter, but everyone calls me Radar!" He says shrugging.  
  
"Why Radar?" She questions.  
  
He smiles at her, everyone always wants to know that, "Well, sometimes I know what happens before it happens Captain."  
  
"Oh." She says, almost not believing him.  
  
"Attention all Personal, we have a new doctor on the compound, remember be on your best behavior. Will the following Personal please come to Colonel Potter's office, Captain Pierce, Captain Hunnicut, Major Burns, Major Houlihan, and Father Mulcahy. That is all."  
  
"Alright everyone. I would like to introduce you to Captain Miller. She is our new cutter. Kimberly, these are our officers.  
  
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, he is our chief surgeon. Captain BJ Hunnicut another one of our surgeons, Major Frank Burns, surgeon, Major Margaret Houlihan our head nurse, and Father Mulcahy. Oh yes and you have met Corporal Radar O'Reilly."  
  
"Nice to meet you all." She says, shyly.  
  
Hawkeye walks over to her and shakes her hand. "Welcome to the Cesspool Captain. Hell on earth as I like to call it."  
  
She smiles awkwardly. "Um, thanks Pierce, I guess."  
  
"Oh please, call me Hawkeye." He says smiling.  
  
"Hawkeye? Why Hawkeye!"  
  
"Ah, the million dollar question." BJ says.  
  
"It's from the book "The Last Of The Mohicans." It's my father's favorite book. I have been called that forever." He says smiling.  
  
"You can call me BJ." BJ says.  
  
"And Frank can be called Ferret Face if you would so desire." He says, smiling, his blue eyes shining.  
  
"PIERCE!" Burns shouts. "That is totally uncalled for! Captain, you may call me Major."  
  
"Oh come off it Frank." Margaret says. "Would you like me to show you around the compound Captain?"  
  
"Kimberly, and sure that would be great, thanks."  
  
"Alright. Let's go. I'll show you the OR."  
  
Once the Major and Captain leave, that is the time for discussion of the new Doctor.  
  
"She's so young!" Pierce says.  
  
"Yes, she is." Potter says. "She is 3 1/2 years out of med school. She has been a damn good surgeon though, only lost 1 person out of those almost 4 years."  
  
"Yeah, but Colonel, she can't be older than 28" The Major whines.  
  
"Actually she's 30."  
  
"She's a pretty thing though." Radar says.  
  
"This is true. And she's about your height Radar!" Pierce crakes a joke on behalf of his short friend.  
  
"Oh cut it out!" Radar calls in his defense.  
  
"Don't worry Frank," Hawkeye says, "I assure you that she'll be a better surgeon than you are."  
  
"So she's only lost one patient? Boy is she in for a big surprise." BJ says, sympathetic. "I think we all remember our first days here."  
  
Hawkeye nods. "I think once the Major is done showing her around, we should get to know her better, what say you Beej?"  
  
"Sounds like a plan." He nods. "We'll sit down, get to know her, and give her, her first motor oil martini." He says snickering.  
  
"Lets just hope we don't' have causalities before she gets settled in." Potter says.  
  
"How about we hope for no causalities at all for the duration of war?" Hawk says. They nod, and head back to the Swamp.  
  
Over in the OR.  
  
"It is your typical operating ward, just in green." Margaret laughs. "You will have one nurse and one anesthesiologist at your table, but there are times when the other doctors will assist. All the nurses can suture." She explains. "It does get crazy, and they are long hours. I'll show you post op." They walk into the post op. "You all have set times where you supervise, and we have about 2 nurses on a shift. Am I going too fast?"  
  
"No, of course not. I am just trying to take everything in." She says smiling.  
  
So they take a bit more about the or, before walking around the compound. "The tent in the center is Hawkeye, BJ and Frank's tent. They call it the Swamp. It's a hole. And that is the entire compound."  
  
"Thanks a lot Major."  
  
"You're welcome. And if you need anything at all, feel free to ask."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Would you like help setting up?"  
  
"No" She says smiling, "I think I can handle it."  
  
"Alright! Dinners at 1700 hours. I have to go on duty. I'll talk to you later."  
  
"Bye." She says and walks into her tent to set up. It doesn't take her long to make the tent look more like a room. She puts up a couple pictures, puts her clothes away, and cleans up a bit. The first thing she does after she sets up is takes down her hair.  
  
"Knock Knock." A voice calls from the outside of the tent. "Care for some visitors?"  
  
"Sure come on in." Kimberly says.  
  
"Oh I love what you did with the place. It's the perfect shade of green." Hawkeye jokes.  
  
"It is, isn't? I designed it myself."  
  
"Would you look at that BJ? We have a smart-ass just like us on our hands." He says smiling.  
  
"So I hear you are from Philadelphia." BJ says.  
  
"Yeah. I am from Philadelphia."  
  
"So, are you married?" He asks.  
  
"Yes I am." She says smiling. "What about you guys?"  
  
"I am." BJ Says.  
  
"Are you kidding, I have too many admirers." Hawkeye says.  
  
"Any kids?"  
  
"I have a daughter. She's 2 1/2" Kimberly says.  
  
"Same with me. My daughters almost 2. I left 5 months after she was born."  
  
"Ouch. I couldn't even imagine." She says.  
  
"Yeah neither can I." BJ replies.  
  
"So are you getting all settled in?" Hawkeye asks.  
  
"Yeah, I think so. So what is it like working here?" She asks.  
  
"Do you want the truth?" Hawk asks.  
  
"Yeah, give it to me straight up doc! I can handle it!" She says.  
  
"There are days like this where it is quiet, and then all of the sudden we are surrounded by wounded brought in by choppers, ambulances, and the bus. Some you can save, and some you can't. I think the longest I have been in surgery here is for about 30 hours, with only slight breaks. But you know something, it never is boring." BJ cuts him off, "Unless you have no wounded of course."  
  
"Sounds like fun, can't wait to start." She says with immense sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"OH it is. loads of fun." He says.  
  
In the Mess tent for dinner, they all are in line. They all get there food and sit down at the table to eat.  
  
"Ok, I have a question." Captain Miller asks.  
  
"Shoot." BJ says.  
  
"What exactly am I about to eat?" She says, picking up a spoonful of mush and slopping it back down on her tray.  
  
"That my dear Captain, is the surprise platter. It could be meat, it could be fish, it could be corn, it could be stew. it's never proven what exactly goes into this stuff. we just pray it doesn't come right back out!" Hawk says.  
  
Radar gets a complex look on his face. "Choppers" He finally concludes.  
  
Kimberly gives him a weird look, and watches everyone throw down their forks, "I don't hear anything." she says.  
  
"Wait for it." Radar says, standing up. All of the sudden the sound of choppers fills the air, and the ambulances appear.  
  
"Attention all personal, all shifts report to the OR, we have a ton of casualties coming in folks! Get them while there hot!" Everyone scatters. Outside Pierce is shouting orders.  
  
"BJ! Take Miller to the Choppers with you! Frank, you start triaging!"  
  
"Come on Kimberly." BJ says running towards the chopper landing. Immediately they begin checking over the wounded soldiers.  
  
"Oh my god." BJ hears Kimberly say. He just thinks, 'Welcome to Korea Captain Miller.' "Alright, let's get them off the chopper and into pre-op!" BJ Yells over the noise of the choppers.  
  
*To be continued  
  
Thanks for reading! *STARY* 


	4. The first day and first night at the 407...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MASH, no matter how much I would love too, I don't, so please don't sue me! Thanks (  
  
In the Operating Room, everyone is at a table. Tonight was the first time in a while that there is not a lot of joking.  
  
Captain Miller's first patient had a chest full of shrapnel, but he was still awake. He looked up into her eyes and says, "Are you an Angel?"  
  
"No. I'm your doctor." She tells him before the Sergeant put him under. "Ok, I need a scalpel." She says, handing it she cuts into the chest exposing the heart. "Sponge." "I can't see anything in here, I need more suction please." She was so polite while asking for the nurse's help.  
  
"Good lord, this kid is a mess!" Hawkeye calls. "I have so many bleeders I may as well start a blood bank! I need more suction. Come on Hotlips! Suction!"  
  
"I am Captain! There's too much blood!" The Major yells back!  
  
After around 2 hours of meatball surgery, Colonel Potter calls out to their new cutter,  
  
"How you holding up Kimberly?" She doesn't answer. She is working very hard on this patient, that she blocked out others voices, which in Potters eyes is definitely not a good sign. "Captain Miller!" He says, shaking her trance.  
  
"Yes Colonel?" She says, not taking her eyes off the wounds. "I need silk." She says starting to stitch the boy up.  
  
"I said, how are you holding up?"  
  
"Fine." She says shortly, but her eyes reveal how scared she is. All of the sudden there is a loud explosion that shakes the OR. The nurses scream a bit, and the new Captain freezes, but only for a second. She quickly composes herself, and finishes stitching up the wounded boy before calling for another patient. She quickly looks over the patient, and realizes that he was unstable! "I can't work on this man!" She shouts.  
  
"What's the problem Captain?" Major Houlihan asks. "Do you need more hands?"  
  
"NO! I need this patient to be stable! His blood pressure is low; he needs at least 2 leaders of blood before I operate! If I open him up now, he's going to die on the table!" She says angrily.  
  
"FRANK!" Hawkeye calls to him.  
  
"What?" He calls through the doors.  
  
"Get in here!" He calls.  
  
"What do you want Pierce?"  
  
"Miller, do you want to take this?"  
  
"Is there ANY reason why this man is not stable and on my table?"  
  
"What do you mean he's not stable!" Frank shouts. "I checked him over myself.  
  
"Well that's his problem then, he was checked over by a moron!" Hawkeye cracks.  
  
"His blood pressure is low, he needs like 2 leaders of type A positive blood! Get him off the table, get him stable and then get him back here! I am not opening him up when he is shocky" She shouts. Klinger and Father Mulcahy take him off the table and back into pre-op where he is to stabilize and then be sent back.  
  
All during the 13 hours of surgery, the bombs were exploding right outside their doors. The noise was able to drive a man crazy. The walls would shake, and everything would flicker while the 4 doctors and all the nurses were trying to save those kids wounded in the line of battle. Everyone kept working. By the 11th hour of surgery, Captain Miller's hands were shaking so bad she could barely hold her instruments but she still pressed on because it was her job. By about 7:00 the next morning, they finally were through with the causalities. The exhausted doctors take off their operating scrubs, and throw them into the laundry bin.  
  
"So, how did you like your first day in the Korean War Kimberly?" Potter says to her.  
  
"It wasn't dull." She says, her hands still shaking. She felt extremely tired, very shaky, and quite sick.  
  
"This was a pretty tough shift to have your first day. You did good kid." Potter says.  
  
"Frank, I need to see you in my office on the double!"  
  
"Yes sir." Frank says and follows Potter like a little puppy dog, over to his office.  
  
"So, shall we drink, sleep, drink, or drink?" Hawkeye asks.  
  
"I say lets do something different, and drink for once." BJ says smiling.  
  
"Sounds like a plan." Hawkeye says smiling. "Would you like to join us for an early morning drink Kimberly?"  
  
"No thanks, I think I just want to go get some air." She says quickly making her way outside.  
  
BJ and Hawkeye exchange glances. "I think we should go make sure she's ok." BJ says to him as they follow her.  
  
After a quick scan, they spot her over by the oil drums clutching them like there's no tomorrow. In the distance, well the very near distance, there are bombs still going off.  
  
All of the sudden all her emotions come out and she starts to throw up. Hawkeye runs over to her with BJ hot on his trails. He soothingly places a hand on her back and lower arm, trying to support her as she was sick. Her heaving turns dry before she stops. She stands up, still clutching the oil drum, her face beat red. She is quite embarrassed to have allowed her emotions to take over her.  
  
"You know," Hawkeye begins, "This place seems to have the same effect on people during there first shift here."  
  
"You ok Kimberly?" BJ asks her.  
  
"Yeah. I'm sorry." She begins.  
  
"Sorry for what? Throwing up? Showing that you actually have a heart for these guys? Please, Kimberly, sorry is one thing you should never say around here. Like I told you earlier today, this place is hell. The scary thing is you'll get use to all of this." Hawkeye reassures her.  
  
"It's just, not once have I ever thrown up. NOT ONCE! I have never let myself get that bad. but the bombs." she says and trails off. "I never heard anything like that before, and all the blood, and these boys!"  
  
Hawkeye puts his arm around her shoulders and squeezes lightly, "Trust me Kimberly, we know. We all have been here. You sure you don't want a drink?"  
  
She looks at them, "Maybe I will have one."  
  
"That's the spirit!" Hawk says. "To the Swamp!"  
  
Once they get into the swamp, Hawkeye pulls out 3 glasses.  
  
"What the hell is that?" She says pointing to the still.  
  
"A bit of Heaven in a place called Hell!" Hawkeye says. "It's a still, a homemade one, but a still none the less. Trapper and I made it when we first came to this place."  
  
"Trapper?" She asks, as she takes the glass handed to her by Hawkeye.  
  
"Captain John Francis Xavier McIntyre, better known as Trapper." Hawkeye begins. "He was sent state side about a year and a half ago, right Beej?"  
  
"Sounds about right. I was his replacement."  
  
"He was a great guy." Hawk says, remembering his best friend.  
  
"Well, here's too Kimberly's first day at the 4077 M*A*S*H*!" Hawkeye says, raising his glass. They then down there glasses full of 2 day old gin.  
  
"Yuck!" She says coughing. This had to be the most vile thing she has ever tasted.  
  
"Ah, the finest kind." Hawkeye says smiling. "Would you like another?"  
  
"Sure." She says. She quickly drinks that one. "Wow." She says, "That has to be the driest martini I have ever drunk."  
  
"See Hawk and you thought it wouldn't be good." BJ says, lying back on his cot.  
  
"14hours a go was a good year." He says smiling  
  
"So, where's Frank?" She asks.  
  
"He is with Hotlips I would assume."  
  
"Are him and the Major an..."  
  
"Oh no, they are strictly business" Hawkeye says, "Risky business that is." BJ laughs.  
  
"What is his problem, if you don't mind me asking?"  
  
"Not at all Captain, you see Frank is suffering from an acute case of what we doctors like to call 'Pig Headedness.' In a simple way, he's a Major, and wants to be treated like he is superior to all of us because he's a Major."  
  
"We enjoy razzing him a bit." BJ cuts in.  
  
"Well is he a competent Doctor?" She asks, not able to see how he operated the past 13 hours.  
  
"Competent, yes, but he does a number of things wrong. He should just be that doctor that gets rich quick, not an army doctor." Hawkeye says, "But then again, I think that all of us should be one of these doctors."  
  
He gets quiet, and the 3 Captains, sit there in silence for a few seconds.  
  
"Beej, how about another." He says.  
  
"Yeah, me too." She says handing her glass to BJ.  
  
There is a knock on the door, it was Colonel Potter. "Colonel, come on in, take a load off!" A slightly tipsy Hawkeye says.  
  
"Join the party sir!" BJ says. "Would you like a drink?"  
  
"Don't mind if I do." He says. "I wanted to come in and congratulate Captain Miller on a job well done." He says taking a sip from his drink.  
  
"Thank you sir." She says. "Well Captains and Colonel, I think I am going to go try and sleep this night off." She says, handing back her glass. "Thank you for the drink. I'll see you in the morning... well I'll see you when I wake up." She heads back to her tent.  
  
"Good night Captain." They say, as she leaves.  
  
"So how did she do after the adrenaline ran out?"  
  
"She threw up." BJ said a matter of factly. "She went out of the OR, Hawk and I followed her, to see how she was doing, and she threw up."  
  
Potter nods. "I think that is the same for just about everyone."  
  
"She got very embarrassed though. She said that never once has she gotten sick before, and apologized."  
  
"What did you tell her?"  
  
"I told her that is the one thing she should never say that because that shows she cares." Hawkeye says. "There is no reason she should be ashamed for letting her emotions take hold of her. I am sure it won't be the first time, and it probably won't be the last."  
  
"Very true." Potter says. "Her surgical abilities..."  
  
Pierce cuts him off, "Are one of the best I have ever seen especially with a doctor so young. She caught on so quickly! It was amazing. Only thing we have to break of her is the fact that she doesn't speak during surgery!"  
  
"Pierce, let her find her own way." Potter says.  
  
"Oh and find it she will." Hawk quips.  
  
After a few more minutes of talking, Potter says, "Alright boys. I better get into the horizontal, before more casualties arrive. Franks in Post-Op till 11, then it's you Hawkeye. See if Kimberly's awake by then, and take her to see what's going on with that."  
  
"You got it sir. Good night." He says.  
  
"Good night Hawkeye, BJ."  
  
"Night Colonel." BJ calls to him as he leaves the 'Swamp'.  
  
"Good night Beej.  
  
"Night, Hawk."  
  
*Capt. Millers Tent*  
  
Just before the sun comes up, Kimberly is having a really tough time sleeping. She decides to write her husband a letter.  
  
Dear Jack, Its 5:00 in the morning, and I am having a lot of trouble sleeping, so I figured I'd write you and let you know that I am here, and ok. My flight here was bumpy. I road in a chopper and then a jeep to get to the 4077. My commanding officer is Colonel Sherman Potter. He is regular army, but he is a sweet man. I am 1 of 4 surgeons on the compound, and once again the only female surgeon. Let me tell you a bit about the other 3 surgeons. First you have Hawkeye Pierce. His real name is Benjamin, but he goes by Hawkeye. Hawkeye is from Crabapple Cove Maine. He is a ladies man, but an absolutely incredible surgeon. Then, you have BJ Hunnicut. He is from California. He is like me; we are both married and have a daughter. His daughter is a couple months younger than Susan. He also is a great surgeon. Then you have Frank. I don't know how to explain him. He is, like Hawkeye says, a "competent" doctor, but that's about it. He actually put a shocky person on my table! But he seems like a whiner. Hawkeye and BJ call him ferret face, and I can definitely tell why. He and Maj. Houlihan are kind of an unofficial item, because he is married. Oh, Maj. Houlihan is our head nurse, her names Margaret. She wants to be treated like regular army also in a way, but how can you expect a MASH unit to be army? We are doctors, not solders. My first day here, I operated for 13 hours straight. I must have operated on 10 boys. The bombs were exploding all around our MASH Unit. Don't they know we're doctors? I don't think I have ever been so scared in my entire life. After the hours were over, I went outside and threw up. I have never gotten sick before, but this time I did. Hawkeye and BJ were right there next to me. I was so embarrassed, but they said this happens to just about everyone. I am actually scared for more causalities. I now know what to expect, but still. Well, sweetie, it is almost 6:00 AM now, and I really should try and get some sleep before the new day starts. By the time you get this I'll be home, haha. give Susan a kiss and a hug for me. Love always, Kimberly  
  
She then sticks it in an envelope, and places it on the desk, crawls into her bed, trying not to think of what horrors are to come tomorrow.  
  
*To be continued  
  
Thanks for reading! I hope you are enjoying it! *STARY* 


	5. First Patient Gone Sour

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MASH, no matter how much I would love too, I don't, so please don't sue me! Thanks  
  
Around 10:00 Am the new Doctor wakes up, and is just in time for the women to use the showers, so she decided that was what she would do. She gets into the shower tent, and the Major is already there. "Morning Captain."  
  
"Good morning Major."  
  
"How did you sleep?"  
  
"Alright, to say the least."  
  
"Yeah it takes a while to get use to sleeping through the bombs." Margaret says.  
  
"Yeah, so I figured."  
  
"So how was your first day?"  
  
"It was fine, but nerve-racking. I am not looking forward to today."  
  
"Well hopefully all we'll have is post up surgeries."  
  
"Yeah." She says.  
  
Around 10:45, there is a knock at her makeshift door. "Come in?" She says, trying to fix her hair quickly.  
  
"Captain."  
  
"Yes?" She turns around and sees Hawkeye.  
  
"The Colonel would like you to accompany me to post op, so you know how we run it before we let you loose."  
  
"Alright, that sounds fine." She says smiling, finishing tying her hair up.  
  
They head over to Post-op, and Frank is sitting at the desk, writing something on a chart.  
  
"You're late Pierce." He says gruffly.  
  
"Deduct it from my pay check." He says. "What do we have?"  
  
"Oh Captain Miller, I didn't see you here."  
  
Kimberly looks at him and rolls her eyes. She knows how fake it is, and she really would prefer not to know him. "Did you sleep well Captain?"  
  
"Fine, thank you. The bombs blowing up 2 miles away really helped the experience feel real." She says, shuttering at the thought.  
  
"Your first night is the worst, I feel." Frank says. "You know."  
  
"Frank! The patients?" Hawkeye says to him.  
  
"Oh right." He says, and walks around with the 2 discussing what has happened over the night. "Keep your eye on Johnson here, he has a temperature of 101.3."  
  
"Did you miss something?" Kimberly says, looking at the chart.  
  
"I most certainly did not!" Frank says taking offence to that comment.  
  
"Not all fevers occur because of something missed, but in Frank's case, we better keep our eye on him." Hawkeye says to her. "When we have a fever, we treat it with penicillin till further discussion. If we have to open them up again, so be it." Hawk says. "I'd rather open them up again, than have a whole new batch come in."  
  
"Is it true that once they get into this M*A*S*H* unit their odds of survival are upped to 96% survival?"  
  
"Yeah, we do good work here, for meatball surgery." Hawkeye says. "Frank, you look exhausted from all your malpractice. I think you should go get some sleep." He says smiling. Frank huffs before he storms out of the Post- Op.  
  
"Is he always that miserable?"  
  
"Who Frank?" He asks, looking up from one of the charts at her.  
  
"Yeah, Frank."  
  
"Of course. I don't think he knows how to be a good sport. You get use to him though."  
  
"So I figured." She says. For the next hour, she tries to get accustom to how the post-op works in the M*A*S*H* Unit. She has always been quick to catch on, so it did not take her long.  
  
"Attention All Personal, we regret to inform you that lunch is now being served in the Mess Tent."  
  
"Shall we go get some food?" Hawkeye asks her.  
  
"Sure." She says, following him out of the Post-Op and into the Mess Tent. They get their food, and sit down at the table.  
  
"Where's BJ?" Hawkeye asks the Corneal.  
  
"Probably in the Swamp." He says shrugging.  
  
"I have to talk to him about his one patient. he still has a fever, and he may have to go back into him."  
  
"Which patient?"  
  
"Norton. The penicillin isn't working. He's stable but I don't know how much longer we can wait till he isn't. He has already had about 5 units of blood, and something just isn't fitting." Pierce says taking a mouthful of the so called food that was in front of him. "I'll leave it up to BJ to see if he wants to go into him again or not. Speak of the Devil." Hawkeye says, as BJ walks through the mess tent. "Beej, your patient, Norton."  
  
"Yeah what about him?" He says to his bunk mate.  
  
"He has a fever, penicillin isn't working, and he is stable for the time being. I think you may have to go back into him.  
  
"Norton had so many holes, I knew I probably missed one." He says sighing. "How many units of blood has he gone through?"  
  
"5. almost on his 6th." Hawkeye says.  
  
"Alright, let me grab a quick bite and then I'll head over. Who's the nurse on Duty?"  
  
"Nancy."  
  
"No, she won't do, I better go get Margaret to help on this case." He says.  
  
"Do you need any of my help?" Kimberly asks him.  
  
"I may. but you're on post-op duty aren't you?"  
  
"Just observing. Let me know." She says smiling.  
  
"Radar, can you go find Margaret for me and tell her I'll need her in the OR in about 30 minutes? Then go get Nancy and have her prep the patient."  
  
"Yes sir." He says, walking out of the mess tent.  
  
30 minutes later, BJ was cutting into the patient, with the help of Kimberly.  
  
"Retract that for me would you Margaret?" He asks. "Suction." He gets it. "Ahh, there it is. I need silk." He calls, and ties up the little hole, that had gotten away from him earlier. "How's his pressure?"  
  
"Stable. 120 over 80 pulse 70."  
  
"Good. Did I miss anything else Kimberly?" He asks the young Doctor.  
  
She looks around, "It doesn't seem like it. Get some more suction right around here." She says pointing around the heart. She carefully looks over the body before coming to the conclusion that they were ready to close. "You did good Dr." She says smiling, as Margaret starts to close the soldier.  
  
"Hawkeye, what time am I on?" He says walking into the Post-op.  
  
"At 4." He says to him, before turning his attention back to the nurse.  
  
"Alright." He says, "See ya then," And leaves in the direction of the Swamp.  
  
"How was the operation?"  
  
"He just missed one small hole. He found it, closed it up, looked for more and sewed him up." She says, grabbing a chart of on soldier with head wounds. "Give him 20 CC's of morphine." She says to Nancy.  
  
Around 4:00, right before BJ comes into the Post-Op there is an announcement over the PA System  
  
"Attention Personal, we wounded coming in! Tons of them! All shifts please report to the OR! It's gonna be a long night people!"  
  
"Showtime." Hawkeye says, running out of the Post-op over to the Bus that has just arrived.  
  
"Kimberly, get on the bus and start triaging. Frank, get the Ambulance, BJ, the helicopter." He yells, running up to the chopper pad with his friend. Kimberly looks at the bus, sees Klinger heading over to help, she takes a deep breath and goes onto the bus.  
  
"Ok, he's first." She says looking over a horribly mangled body. His chest was a mess, and he was unconscious. "Get him started on some plasma!" She says yelling at the Coremen. "He's next." Calling out. "Then Him, and the rest can wait for now." She says, only seeing minimal damage to the lower extremities. She jumps off the bus and goes into scrub up, Frank was already in one of the sinks, she takes the far side, and then Pierce and Hunnicut walks in shortly after.  
  
"Are you ready for round two Miller?" Pierce asks her.  
  
"Ready as I'll ever be." She says. After she's done scrubbing and in her gown, Margaret pulls the mask up over her face, and puts gloves on her. She walks into the room, and over to her table. "Alright, I need a scalpel." She says. She cuts into the man and sees his heart, spleen, liver and kidneys are a mess. "Suction." She says. "This kids a mess." She says, shaking her head.  
  
Around an hour later, she starts working on the liver, John, who was doing anastesia says, "He's not doing well Doctor."  
  
Her eyes looked very fearful, "What do you mean he isn't doing well? He has been fine since the beginning!"  
  
"His pressure is down to 95 over 60, and pulse is thready, you better hurry up." He says.  
  
Hawkeye looks back over his shoulder, "Do you need help Miller?"  
  
"I don't know." She says rapidly working on her patient. "I can't see anything in this boy! I need more suction!" She says raising her voice.  
  
"Pressure down to 80 over 30" John says shaking his head.  
  
"Dammit! I am not going to loose him." She says, working as hard as she can to try and fix the boy.  
  
Hawkeye looks back at John, who looks at him and shakes his head. "I lost the pulse." John says.  
  
"I need adrenaline." She calls, the nurse brings it, but Hawkeye stops her. He looks at the wounds, and sees how severe they are. He sighs and says, "He done."  
  
"You don't know that!" She says getting angry.  
  
"Yes, I do. Klinger! Take this man away."  
  
"No Klinger, don't!" She says. "Give me the ad."  
  
"Captain Miller, he's gone! There are others you can save! He had so many holes its amazing he lasted that long! Learn when to quit!" He says, not angry, but more trying to get her to accept that the young men die. "You did your best! Now try your best with another person!"  
  
"I Can Still.."  
  
"No you can't Captain."  
  
"How do you know that for sure Pierce!"  
  
"Captain Miller, you are out of order." Frank says to her, actually shocked that he is in defense of Pierce.  
  
Potter looks up at the 2, and says, "Miller, you did the best you could. Get another patient." He sees the young doctor start to protest and adds in, "That's an order Captain."  
  
"Dammit." She says watching Klinger take the boy of just 18 away from her, she pulls off her gloves and throws them down on the ground. "Kelley I need gloves." She calls, watching her patient, with the sheet over his head roll out the door. Her next patient comes, and she stays silent, only talking when she needed the nurse to hand her something. After 12 hours of meatball surgery, they are finally done. Kimberly's mind is still on her first patient. She pulls her gloves and mask off her face, throwing them down on the ground.  
  
"You did you're best Kimberly." Hawkeye says to her, which really struck a nerve.  
  
"My best?! MY BEST?! You think that was my best! If it was my best he still would have been alive now wouldn't he! He would still be alive and in the Post-op right now!" She says, pushing over a surgical tray causing a loud crash on the floor. BJ and the Colonel run into the OR, just in time to have Kimberly push past them, and run out of the OR.  
  
"What happened?" Potter demanded.  
  
"She cares about her patients." He says, shaking his head. "She is still hung up over the patient who died 12 hours ago." He rubs his eyes.  
  
"Where did she go?"  
  
"My guess, is as far away from this place as she could possibly get." He says, heading into the scrub room, taking off his gown and hat.  
  
"Someone should go talk to her." BJ says.  
  
"Let her alone for right now. Let her come to terms with losing a patient. Then we can go and have a discussion with her." Potter says. "We've all had a long day."  
  
"Can I buy you two a cup of coffee?" Hawkeye says smiling at the 2 doctors. "I think that's a good idea."  
  
After the coffee, Hawkeye and BJ retire to the Swamp. About an hour after Hawkeye laid down, he couldn't sleep. He decided he should go have a talk with the new doctor. He walks over to her tent and sees her light in. Just before he knocks on her door, he hears her talking to herself, she asked, "What did I miss, or what could I have done to change what happened to this boy? Why wasn't I faster!" She says, her voice starting to crack. Hawkeye knocks on her door,  
  
"Yes?" She calls, wiping her eyes.  
  
"Mind if I come in?" Hawkeye asks.  
  
"I am really not in the mood for people visiting right now." She says.  
  
"Well, then, since you put it that way, "he says opening the makeshift door. "I couldn't help but hearing you... I want you to know, you did the best you could. You win some you lose some, that's just how it is."  
  
"Not for me." She says, "I have only lost 1 patient before today."  
  
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is not going to be the only patient you lose. There is nothing you can do to keep the boys from dying on your table."  
  
"That's not true!" She says, trying not to cry in front of him.  
  
"Yes, it is. Kimberly, you have been here for 48 hours. that is a shorter amount of time than I have had to be up at one time operating. You have only lost one patient, your lucky. My first day here, I lost 4, 4 patients out of 12, and that's less than half, and I considered that a good day."  
  
"How can you consider 4 kids dying on you be a good day?"  
  
"Because they go sour, and that will always happen. All you can do is try your best, save the ones you can, and not be too bothered by the ones you can't."  
  
"Are you telling me that when a boy dies on your table you don't feel anything towards them? You have absolutely no emotion? They die and that's it?" She says, in harsh tone.  
  
"No, that is not what I am saying. I do feel for the ones dead, and their families, but I can't let that get to me because if I get angry over every patient who dies on me, I'll go crazy. I also won't be able to be the best doctor to those who I can save."  
  
"I'm not like that."  
  
"Then, you'll drive yourself up a wall. This was the first one to die on you, and I can guarantee you, it will not be the last one." He says. "My first Colonel, Henry Blake, he was one hell of a guy. My friend came in hurt, my best friend, Tommy, he died on my table. That was probably the hardest thing to do is have you're friend come in and you not being able to save him. Henry came out after surgery and told me this, 'There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.' It is words to live by in this hell. Don't beat yourself up over one kid Kimberly. Instead, think of those you saved today, not those you lost." He says, looking at her.  
  
"Did Henry go home?" She asks.  
  
"Half way. His plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan and he along with all the other passengers, died. He was one hell of a guy. I wished you could have met him. I wish everyone could have met him."  
  
"How did you get use to this?" She asks him.  
  
"It's routine. You get up, operate, go to sleep, sometimes you don't sleep. I'm a doctor, I live to help people, it's my job. It's our job." He says, hoping that his talk is getting through to her. "I better get out of here and get some sleep." He said, after the silence has occurred longer than 3 minutes. "I'll see you in a few hours." He says, opening the door.  
  
"Hawkeye?" She says.  
  
"Yeah?" He says turning around.  
  
"Thanks a lot." She says smiling at him.  
  
"Not a problem. Just don't let word get out that this talk occurred, I have a reputation to protect." He says giving one of his award winning smiles and a wink before heading outside and back to the Swamp.  
  
"Where did you go?" BJ calls, as he comes through the door.  
  
"I thought you were sleeping?"  
  
"I was. I have post-op duty in a bit."  
  
"I went to talk to Miller."  
  
"How is she?" He asks.  
  
"Better. I think I got through to her. Maybe I should have been a psychiatrist." He says laughing.  
  
After about 20 minutes of silence, Radar comes in to get BJ. "Captain Hunnicut?" He calls from outside of the tent. When there was no answer, he comes into the swamp and shake BJ. "Captain Hunnicut, you're due in post- op."  
  
"I'm up." He says, batting Radar away from him. "What time is it?"  
  
"6am sir." He says to him.  
  
"Ok." He says, getting off his cot. He walks over into Post-op and sees Captain Miller looking over her charts. "You're not on till 12." BJ says, making her jump a bit.  
  
"I know." She says yawning. "I just had to check on my patients before I could sleep."  
  
"How are they?" He asks, remembering his first days at the 4077. he did the exact same thing, stayed close to his patients, trying to give them the best care he could and making sure that they stay alive.  
  
"Doing pretty well, except for Jacobs. He has a fever. They just started him on penicillin."  
  
"Why don't you go get some sleep and if something happens in the next few hours, I'll be sure to get you." He says, taking the chart from her hands.  
  
"Sounds like a plan." She says, smiling at him and heads back to her tent. She stays there until 11:00.  
  
TBC:  
  
Thanks for the reviews! I hope you still like the story! Keep reviewing! 


	6. Cracking up

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from M*A*S*H*, no matter how much I would love too, I don't so please don't sue me!  
  
Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I have had a busy schedule since the holidays and also had a bit of a writers block, but what are you going to do. I hope you enjoy!  
  
*STARY*  
  
*****  
  
The next day at breakfast, everyone was sitting at the table when the Colonel came in. "Morning Colonel, pull up a bench." Hawkeye says, taking a sip of his coffee.  
  
"No, that's ok, I just came to tell you, the Marines just started to try and take a hill."  
  
"How long till we get casualties?" BJ asks.  
  
"4 hours tops. I'd rest as long as you can, because it's going to be a long couple of days."  
  
"Days, now that's something I haven't heard in a long time." Hawkeye says, sighing, "I mean, we have only had a day stretch in the past few weeks. I'm eager to have something new." He says, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Just be prepared."  
  
"I for one am never prepared for these types of things, how about you Beej?"  
  
"Never." He says, shaking his head.  
  
"Well, if you excuse me, I'm going to go back to the Swamp and crash for a bit."  
  
"Same here." Beej says.  
  
"Would anyone like to crash with me?" Hawkeye asks smiling, looking around at the nurses, "Biggalo? Able? Baker?"  
  
"No." They say at the same time.  
  
"Suit yourselves." He says smiling, and getting up off the bench. "I will see all of you in a few hours."  
  
"Likewise." BJ says, walking out of the Mess tent.  
  
"Major." Margaret asks, "I was wondering if you would like to come into the supply tent and help me take inventory.  
  
"Not a problem Major." Frank says.  
  
Able gets a quirky smile on her face, "Major, why don't you let Baker, Biggalo and I do that for you?"  
  
"No, nurses, you need your rest. I will do it. It's my turn anyway."  
  
"I thought it was Kelley's." Baker asks.  
  
"No, it was mine." She says gruffly, and walks out of the tent.  
  
The young Captain smiles as she watches the Head Nurse walk out, with Frank following her. "I thought she was going to kill you girls."  
  
"Able, knows what she's doing." Baker smiles.  
  
"We all do." Able replies smiling. "You better rest Doctor."  
  
"Yeah, it's going to be a long couple of nights." Biggalo says.  
  
"I don't think I can sleep anymore." She says, shaking her head. "I should be fine."  
  
"Well, we better go back to our tent for a while. Marines mean young people." Able says.  
  
"Then we have to get the OR up and running. The Major will whoop our ass if we don't."  
  
"We have an hour Able." Baker says.  
  
"We'll see you for show time Kimberly." Biggalo calls over her shoulder.  
  
"Bye girls." She says, taking another sip of her coffee. She all of the sudden gets lost in her thoughts. She doesn't even hear the Chaplin come and sit next to her.  
  
"Is everything alright Kimberly?" He asks, in a soft manor, but she still jumps.  
  
"Hi father." She smiles. "Yeah, I'm fine, I guess."  
  
"That does not sound too convincing my child." He says.  
  
"Yeah, I know." She says sighing.  
  
"I'm here to talk if you need it Kimberly. This is the reason they have me over here."  
  
"I know Father." She smiles. "I'm just nervous about the wounded coming in."  
  
"That's understandable." He tells her.  
  
"Hawkeye and BJ don't seem to show any fear of the wounded. they barely blink when they come in. They just sit there and joke around during surgery, but me on the other hand, I can't do that."  
  
"You have to understand, Hawkeye and BJ have been her a lot longer than you. You have been here for a month, BJ has been here for almost a year, and Hawkeye has been here for almost 2 years.  
  
"I know father, but I just feel that I should be more relaxed during surgery and I can't. I wish I could but I can't. I can't just go back to sleep for a few hours knowing that wounded are coming in. I wish I could be like them, and do that, but I can't."  
  
"You will one day Kimberly. I remember all of our first day's here. Hawkeye and BJ didn't come like that, it just became routine for them, and they are trying to make the best out of a good situation."  
  
"I know. I just wish I could too. I wish I could look past these boys dropping like flies. I can't stand to lose a patient, and for the others it seems like its routine too."  
  
"They both take out their frustrations in different ways my child. Hawkeye gets quite upset after losing a patient, as does BJ, but they gamble and drink to take away the pain they had. You should sit back one day and listen to Hawkeye talk when he is losing one of his patients, or BJ. They are just like you, scared, but they are able to deal with it, just like one day you too will be. Death is a part of life, and unfortunately the ones who die on our tables, it was just there time."  
  
"Do you honestly believe that father?"  
  
"Yes, I truly do." He says. "You'll be fine Kimberly. We all will be fine." He smiles, and she smiles back.  
  
"Thanks Father."  
  
"That's what I'm here for." He smiles, and takes a sip of his coffee.  
  
A few minutes later, the announcement over the PA system comes, "Attention All Personal, incoming casualties at all locations! All OR shifts on duty. Get your dancing shoes and prance on over! That is all.  
  
"There early!" Kimberly says, noticing that it has only been 2 hours since Potters information.  
  
"They usually are." Father says, blessing himself.  
  
Kimberly stands up and runs out to start triaging, but she hears a voice, "Kimberly, go with me to the Chopper landing." She realizes its Hawkeye, and runs up with him. Soon after they get the patients triaged, they head in to scrub up.  
  
The first patient Kimberly has turns sour on her. She was working on a boy of around 20 who had more holes than a golf course. She was just about to start on his liver when she heard her gas passer say, "Pulse and BP dropping Doctor. You better hurry up."  
  
"I don't understand it!" She says, trying to pick up the pace. "Don't you die dammit." She curses, stitching up another hole.  
  
"I lost the pulse."  
  
"No." She says frantically working. "Rib spreader." She calls to her nurse, she cracks open the ribs, and performs open heart massage.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Dammit, come on." She says continuing.  
  
"Still nothing." After a few more minutes, the gas passer says, "He's gone."  
  
She slams her fist on the side of the table, and covers the boy up with the cloth. "What a waste." She mumbles, throwing her gloves down on the ground. "Coreman?" She calls to him. IN her head she is thinking, "Great Kimberly, you just killed number three." But she knew in her back of her mind that she had to keep going.  
  
The wounded just kept coming. It seemed almost never ending. A lot of the boys didn't make it this night. Hawkeye lost 2, BJ 4, Frank 3 and Kimberly; she lost 8 boys by the time they were done. They had operated on over 100 boys by the time they were done, and out of those 100, only about 17 passed away. The 2 days and 2 nights of the operations, most of the doctors thought that to have been a successful day, except for Captain Miller.  
  
"Who's on Post-Op duty?" Hawkeye asks.  
  
"What day is it?" BJ replies.  
  
"I'm on Post-Op Duty you cretins." Frank says, gruffly, "You think that you could remember who's on duty once!"  
  
"Sorry Frank, my mind was on the 2 days of causalities that I have had my arms in. Frank says nothing, but goes back into Post-Op to start his shift.  
  
"Care to come have a drink with us Kimberly?" BJ asks her.  
  
"No thanks. I'm gonna go to bed." She replies in a very sullen mood.  
  
"You did good work in there Kimberly." Hawkeye reinsures her.  
  
"Humph." Was her only response, as she walks away, kicking the dirt, frowning, as she heads to her tent.  
  
"How many did she lose?" BJ asks.  
  
"I don't know, I lost count. She just had a bad batch. Half of those kids shouldn't have even been on her table. We've all been through it."  
  
"That's true, but does she know that?" BJ questions.  
  
"We'll just have to wait and see how she does tomorrow."  
  
Kimberly got back into her tent, and slammed the door, and then she proceeded to kick her foot locker in the process of walking to her bed. She flopped face down and screamed into her pillow. "Why me?! Why couldn't I save those boys! I lost 8 today! Christ, why did eight have to die. They should call me Doctor Death." She says, starting to cry. "I killed eight boys." That night, she cried herself to sleep, and the next day was even worse. Kimberly had put it into her mind that she was a horrible doctor, and she was not fit to work as one. She worked her way into a bit of a depression where she wouldn't talk to anyone. She would just mope around the compound. The first to notice her personality change was Radar. He immediately went to the other two Captains as soon as he could.  
  
"Captains?"  
  
"What is it Radar?" Hawkeye mumbled as he cracked open an eye at the young corporal.  
  
"Have you guys seen Captain Miller today?"  
  
"No, why?"  
  
"It's just, well, she's different."  
  
"Different? How so Radar?" BJ asks curiously.  
  
"She is all sad, and not talking to anyone, just kind of sitting in her tent unless she is called to check up on a patient."  
  
"Well, I guess we have our answer Beej." He responds, getting up and pulling on his boots.  
  
"Yeah." BJ says and does the same as Hawkeye.  
  
They both quickly head over to the young Captain's tent, and knock softly. Hearing no answer they walk right in, and see her lying on her bed, looking up at the ceiling.  
  
"Can we come in?" BJ asks, hoping to get a response, but there was nothing.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes." Hawkeye says, sitting on the edge of her cot. "Mind telling us what's bothering you?" She sits in silence, barely glancing at the man on her cot. "I know you had a rough day in the OR yesterday, but that is no reason to go silent on us. It happens to us all." He tells her, watching her bite back the tears. "So what, you lost eight wounded in two days, but how many did you save? When you think of it," he starts, knowing that if this doesn't get her angry, nothing will, "How significant are those eight lives in a war?" BJ looked at Hawkeye in absolute shock. All Kimberly did, was sigh and turn over. Hawkeye shakes his head and stands up. "If you wanna talk about it Kimberly, you know where we are. Let's go Beej." The walk out the door, and slowly go back to the swamp.  
  
"I think we have a problem." BJ says, "She should have at least responded to that comment you made."  
  
"I know." Hawkeye says sighing. "I think we better have Radar put a call into Sidney." They walk to the CO's office and run into Radar. "Hey, Radar, we need you to put a call into Sidney Freedman's office for us. I think he better come down and talk to Kimberly."  
  
"Sure thing Sir." He says, dialing for Sidney, "Hello Sparky? It's Radar. Yeah, I need you to patch me a call to Dr. Sidney Freedman. No not for me, it's for one of the men here.. Thanks Spark." He says, then turns to Hawkeye and says, "It's ringing sir."  
  
Hawkeye takes the phone and waits to hear the Psychiatrist's voice, "Hello, Sidney? Hawkeye Pierce. We are having a bit of a problem with our New Doctor. Captain Miller. Miller lost around eight patients yesterday and hasn't said a word. Yeah. Sure, Tomorrow around 12, see you then. Thanks Sid." He says, and hangs up. "He'll be here tomorrow at 12."  
  
"Who will be here tomorrow at 12?" Potter asked his young cutter.  
  
"Sidney. Miller is taking her eight patient loss pretty hard, and we think it may be best if Sidney talked to her. She hasn't talked to anyone, and hasn't left her tent unless it was to check on a patient. BJ and I went into her room, and couldn't get a rise out of her to save our lives."  
  
"Good idea then. He arrives tomorrow at 12?"  
  
"That's right Colonel."  
  
"Very well. What time does she have duty tonight?"  
  
"She's next shift." BJ says. "I really don't think she should be doing it though."  
  
"I agree. Any volunteers to taking the shift and their own?"  
  
"How about this, BJ, you and I will split the shifts."  
  
"Sounds good." BJ says.  
  
"Alright, I'll go tell Miller." Potter says, walking out of his office over to her Tent.  
  
"Captain?" He calls to her, knocking on the door, when there is no answer he slowly enters, seeing her lying on the bed. "You are off duty tonight. Pierce and Hunnicut will be taking your shift. Tomorrow, however, Dr. Sidney Freedman is coming. He wants to have a little talk with you. He's a good man Kimberly. He wants to help you a bit." He tells her, not getting a response. "Listen dear, you have to understand that there will be days like yesterday where you lose a lot of young boys, but you have to move on and help the ones worth saving. We need you here Kimberly, and you have to realize this. I know its tough, but sometimes we have to do what we don't like. War is one of them." He says, walking out of the tent, shaking his head, and thinking, "I hope Sidney can help her." And that was all that was said about Miller, that night. 


	7. Miller meets Freedman

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from M*A*S*H*, no matter how much I would love too, I don't so please don't sue me!  
  
********  
  
The next day, at exactly 1200 hours, Dr. Sidney Freedman comes to the 4077th M*A*S*H*  
  
"Sidney, thanks for coming." Potter says to him, shaking the Majors hand.  
  
"I hear that Captain Miller has shut himself off from the world."  
  
"Not himself Sidney, HERSELF."  
  
"HERSELF?!" Sidney says a bit shocked. "You mean Miller is a female surgeon?"  
  
"Captain Kimberly Ann Miller, Surgeon." Potter says smiling, quickly adding in, "And a damn good one at that."  
  
"How are the others taking to having a Female surgeon?"  
  
"They seem pretty good about it. Hawkeye and BJ have taken her under her wing, and Frank, well let's just say he's slowly coming around to having a better surgeon than her."  
  
"So what exactly happened to her Sherm?" He asks, following him into his office.  
  
"She had a bad run in surgery the other night. She lost eight boys, and just couldn't handle it, is what I have actually put together."  
  
"Eight boys, that isn't too drastic of a number."  
  
"But for her it is. Before she came to the M*A*S*H* she only lost one patient in her 3 years as being a doctor, so obviously she feels that she should be able to save everyone. She handled her first loss horribly, that was a few weeks back, and then this batch happened all at once. Her first couple she handled very well, but by the fourth or fifth she was getting very stressed out, and at the end she was a basket case. The next morning, Pierce and Hunnicut said that she wasn't talking or leaving her tent, even when they went in to talk to her, she pretty much ignored them. Same when I went in to tell her she was off Post-Op Duty."  
  
"Do you think she will mind me going over and checking up on her?"  
  
"I don't think so. I'll show you to her tent." He tells him, walking out of his office to her tent. "This is it. Good luck Sidney."  
  
He knocks on her door, and says, "Captain Miller? Do you mind if I come in?" There was no answer, so he walks through the door, he takes notice in the way she is lying, she is lying face up on her bed, with her hands laced around her head, staring at the ceiling. "Captain Miller?" he asks again, noticing her eyes slowly look him over, before returning to the ceiling. "I'm Major Sidney Freedman, Dr. Sidney Freedman. I am here to talk to you, if you don't mind." He says, pulling up a chair to her bed. "I hear that you had a pretty rough OR duty the other night, that you lost a number of patients." He says, looking straight at her. "I also know that you have only lost one patient before coming to Korea." Sidney continues, "I want you to also know, that I am here to help you Kimberly. We all lose faith and hope some days. Pierce has, Hunnicut, Burns, Potter, The Nurses, and even me. These boys need you as their surgeon. You shouldn't let one bad day put you into this depression. What I need to do is try and figure out how to get you to understand it." He says, sitting back with his notepad and pencil in hand, awaiting any response from her. After a few minutes  
  
"You don't think I understand this?" She says in a cold manor. "How could you possibly say that, you are in Tokyo for most of the time aren't you? The only time you step foot on the compound is when some poor person needs psychological help. Let me tell you this though, I am not crazy."  
  
"No one said you were Kimberly."  
  
"So why did they send for you? You're a shrink right?"  
  
"I'm a psychologist, yes."  
  
"Who sent for you?" She asks.  
  
"That doesn't matter. All that matters is that I am here to help you."  
  
"You can't help me Major."  
  
"I would like to try."  
  
"How can I expect you to help me, when I can't even help myself?"  
  
"Sometimes we all need a little help from each other, before we are able to truly realize what's bothering us. So tell me Kimberly, what is bothering you?" Immediately she clams up, and refuses to talk, returning her stare up to the top of the tent. "Very well." He says, getting up off the chair, "Perhaps we will be able to talk more later. I'll stop back in a little while." He tells her walking out, shaking his head. Sidney heads over to the Swamp to see the other two Captains. He knocks on the door and a voice says, "Come on in Sidney."  
  
"Hello Hawkeye, BJ."  
  
"Hiya Sid.  
  
"Hi Sidney."  
  
"Care for a drink?" Hawkeye asks.  
  
"I would love one. Thank you."  
  
"Did you get anything out of Miller?"  
  
"She talked to me, well more like yelled at me in a way, but she's speaking a bit."  
  
"What have you figured out?" BJ asks.  
  
"Not much, only that her losing those patients was quite important to her, and because of that she has gotten angry and shut everyone out."  
  
"See Beej, I told you I should have been a Psychiatrist." Hawkeye smiles.  
  
"I am going to go back and see her in an hour or so, once she has calmed down."  
  
"Good Idea, until then, sit back, relax and have a drink or two." Hawkeye says as he smiles, drowning the last few drops from his cup.  
  
They all talk for about an hour, before BJ has to go onto Post-Op duty. "I better be getting to Post-Op before Old Ferret Face has a conniption." He says smiling.  
  
"I better get to my patient too." Sidney says, putting the glass back on the still and following BJ out of the Swamp. "I'll talk to you later Hawkeye."  
  
"Relieve me at 2000 hours Hawk."  
  
"What time is that again?" He says smiling. "Bye Sidney."  
  
Sidney walks back over to the young Captains tent, and knocks on the door, once again there is no answer, so he walks in and has a seat by her bed. "Are you ready to talk yet Kimberly?" She looks over at him, and it is obvious that she has been crying. "You've been crying. Why?" She stays silent for a while longer. "I'm here to help Kimberly, not to make you feel like a prisoner. I want to help, but you are going to have to let me in. Why were you crying?"  
  
She takes a shaky breath, knowing that he was right and starts talking, "Have you ever felt a mans heart between your fingers, beating one second and then all of the sudden stopping?"  
  
"Once, I was with Hawkeye at his table helping him out."  
  
"Well, I had that happen eight times at a time. Eight times Major. I'm a doctor; we are not suppose to lose eight people at one time. We are meant to save people, not let them die. That is what I went to school for."  
  
"Sometimes, even doctors can't stop death from happening. You should know this too."  
  
"But I have. I haven't had anyone, except for one person die under my care, but when I come to this hell hole, I lose 9 in under a little over a month. I am a horrible doctor. I shouldn't be fit to be in this hospital."  
  
"What makes you such a horrible Doctor? Losing patients?"  
  
"Yes. I should be saving them, not killing them."  
  
"You aren't killing them, you try to save them, but sometimes it just isn't enough."  
  
"But it should be. It should always be my best, and when I lose someone how can it be? My best is saving, not killing."  
  
"Kimberly, how many boys have you saved over your month here? How many boys did you save, who would have died had you not been in charge of fixing them? Do you even know?"  
  
"To many to count." She says, sighing.  
  
"So why dwell on those eight or nine men you couldn't save? You have saved a lot more than you lost."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So why not focus on the ones you saved? Hawkeye told me that a lot of those boys you tried to save shouldn't have even been on your table. Most of them were almost dead before you even started to cut them open."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So why dwell on the sadness and the loss of those you couldn't save? Why not dwell on those you have helped and saved the lives of?"  
  
"Because, sadness is all around us out here. People are sick, dying, bleeding, and I am here to help them, but when I can't I feel absolutely ashamed and horrible. I can't even think about the ones I saved when I lose a patient." She says, trying desperately not to cry. "I don't know how everyone else deals with it."  
  
"Deals with what Kimberly?" He asks.  
  
"Deals with the death. I don't understand how everyone is ok when they lose a patient."  
  
"They all were once where you are. They all went through the grief of losing their first patient out here. Pierce, he had a rough time when he lost a patient, but he was able to learn to accept that death came with the job, and the same goes for Hunnicut and Burns, and even your predecessors McIntyre and Blake, god rest his soul."  
  
"I just want to know when it gets easier."  
  
"I don't think it ever does. You just learn to live with it, and go with the flow day by day. However, they do need you Kimberly, not just the soldiers but the other doctors too. Without you, they will be missing a part of the team. You mustn't let your emotions interfere with your job, because you will be seeing me much more often then, and I doubt you want that." He says smiling.  
  
She smiles back at him, "No, I don't think so, at least, not in this manor."  
  
"You will get use to it, just like everyone else has, but just remember, it has to end sometime."  
  
"Thank you Sidney."  
  
"You're welcome Kimberly. Would you like to come out and get a drink with me? It's on the house."  
  
"That sounds good." She says, getting up off her bed, for the first time in a day, and following him to the Swamp. She takes a deep breath and follows Sidney in.  
  
"Hawkeye, do you mind if we have a drink?" He asks.  
  
Hawkeye looks up from his letter, and smiles at me, "No, not at all. Have a seat." He says, getting up to make the 3 of us a drink. "Captain, Major, here you are, the finest kind." He smiles as we all down the vile concoction that he had given us. About 2 hours later, Sidney decides that it is time for him to be heading back to Tokyo. He says good bye to Kimberly, and tells her, "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm only a call away."  
  
"Thank you Sidney."  
  
"Hawkeye, I'll see you next Thursday for poker?"  
  
"You bet Sid." He says, shaking his hand, and walking him to the jeep, leaving Kimberly to stand by the CO's office. "Thanks for coming out on such short notice."  
  
"Not a problem."  
  
"Is she going to be ok?"  
  
"I think so, it will just take some adjusting time, but you and I know how that goes."  
  
"Thanks again, and see you Thursday." Hawkeye smiles.  
  
"Thursday." Sidney says, waving as he leaves.  
  
Hawkeye turns his attention back to Kimberly, "Well kid, I'm going to go and get a cup of coffee, would you care to join me?"  
  
"Sure." She says nodding at him. The both walk to the Mess Tent, and sit down at the table with their coffee's and shoot the breeze.  
  
"You on tonight?" She asked Hawkeye.  
  
"Yeah, I'm on at 2000 hours. You?"  
  
"I relieve you at 3am." She says smiling.  
  
From that point on, her adjusting period got a lot easier, and she was able to deal with death a bit more than she has before.  
  
******* TBC  
  
Thanks for bearing with me! I hope you are enjoying the story so far! Please R&R  
  
*STARY* 


	8. The Flu

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from M*A*S*H*, no matter how much I would love too, I don't so please don't sue me!  
  
********  
  
Before anyone knew what happened, November was upon them. November was a very cold month in Korea, and it would only get colder. It was also the beginning of the Flu season. Having the flu and having to pull double or even triple shifts in the Operating Room was absolutely no fun.  
  
"Attention All Personal, Lunch, or what resembles lunch, is now being served. That is all." Kimberly hears that, and wearily drags herself over to the mess tent. She hoped that after getting some food into her system she'll feel better.  
  
"It is definitely winter out there." She hears Hawkeye call to her as they make their way over to the Tent.  
  
"Yeah, that it is." She calls back to him, trying not to show that she wasn't feeling well. They get into the mess tent, grab their food and sit down. "Hey BJ, remember that kid that I took a whole lot of shit out of his gut?" He asks, taking a mouthful of slop.  
  
"Yeah, what about him?"  
  
"Well, I was checking on him, and he had a 101 fever, I had to go back into him and I found 2 pieces of shrapnel that must have floated in his blood stream into the heart."  
  
"Yeah? He's lucky you found it. How's he doing?"  
  
"Stable now, he still has a fever, but he is doing a lot better."  
  
"Good." BJ says eating. "What is this?" He asks pointing at what could be apple sauce, or cream corn.  
  
"I find its best if you don't ask." Hawkeye says, looking over at Miller. She has not touched her food, only moved it around. "Something bothering you Kimberly?" Hawkeye asked her.  
  
"No." She says, forcing a spoonful of mush down her throat.  
  
"It's gonna be tough if we get causalities today." BJ comments. "I mean we have Frank sick."  
  
"Ahh, he is saving patients at last." Hawkeye says smiling.  
  
"And we have about half the nurses sick also. Plus last night Potter didn't look too well either."  
  
"Ah I have done a full days of surgery alone one time. and we have 3 right now, so it will be a cake walk." He says smiling.  
  
"Yeah, well I for one am not looking forward to hours upon hours of surgery."  
  
"What time are you on Post-Op Kim?" Hawkeye asks her.  
  
"1 O'Clock." She says, trying to force another spoon of food down her throat.  
  
"Ah, that's not bad, the afternoon shift."  
  
"No, but I have the night shifts tomorrow and the day after that." She says. "That's gonna be hell."  
  
"Yeah, I hate night shifts, but it has to be done." BJ says, nodding.  
  
After another spoonful or two of the lunch, Kimberly gets up and throws it away. She fears that if she forces any more food down her throat it will end up coming right back up. "I'll see you guys later." She calls, and heads back to her tent to rest before she has to go onto Post-Op duty.  
  
"She didn't eat much, did she?" Hawkeye says.  
  
"Not much at all." BJ says agreeing, and shrugging, and finishing off his plate. "But, can you blame her?" He adds.  
  
"No." He says.  
  
Back in Captain Miller's tent, she sits down on her bed, and closes her eyes. "That didn't help." She says to herself, feeling lousier than she had before eating. She knew that she was getting the flu, but was going to fight it off as long as she could. She already felt the nausea, and the temperature change in her body, she also felt like she could sleep for a year, but she had to keep going. They needed her. They were already 2 doctors short as it is, and with out her, they would be insanely short handed. She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, Radar had come into her tent to wake her up.  
  
"Captain Miller, you're due in Post-Op." Radar called to her, as she opened her eyes to look at him.  
  
"What time is it?" She asked.  
  
"12:30 Kimberly." He says to her.  
  
"Alright." She says. Radar leaves and she sits up, overcome by dizziness. "Bad Idea." She says out loud, as she shuts her eyes, trying to keep the world from spinning. Her eyelids felt like they weighed 10 tons, and her legs felt like solid steel, but her knees were jelly as soon as she stood up, but still she pressed on. She was far too proud to admit she was sick to anyone but herself.  
  
"Good Afternoon Captain." Major Houlihan says to her as she walks through the Post-Op Doors.  
  
"Afternoon Major." She replies and looks at what Frank had written out for her. "Did the major get worse?" She asks when she read through what each patient was ailing.  
  
"Yes, he is quite sick."  
  
"Aren't we all?" Kimberly thinks to herself. "Hopefully we won't have causalities today then."  
  
"I agree." The Major says, and Kimberly sits down at the desk to work on some charts. Around 2 hours later, Kimberly hears,  
  
"Attention All Personal, incoming causalities, get them while there hot folks! It's gonna be a long hull!"  
  
"You have got to be kidding me." She says shaking her head, and running out to start triaging.  
  
After about 12 hours of operating, Kimberly starts feeling really sick. "Silk." She calls to the nurse. "I'm almost done here. I'm gonna take a 5 minute break and I'll be right back." She tells Hawkeye.  
  
"Fine." He says, paying more attention to his patient than her. She finishes the patient, and heads outside for a breath of air. She sits down on the bench, and relaxes a bit.  
  
"Doctor?" One of the Nurses calls to her.  
  
"Yeah?" She asks looking up.  
  
"Are you alright?" She asks.  
  
"Yeah, fine." She says. boy if that isn't the understatement of the year.  
  
"Alright." She says. "You look a bit pale."  
  
"I'm fine." She says again, trying to clear her head before having to go into surgery again.  
  
"Ok." She says, but not convinced. The next thing Kimberly knew, Pierce had come outside. The nurse must have told him how she looked.  
  
"You alright?" He asks her.  
  
"Fine." She says, putting on a fake smile.  
  
"Shame on you Kimberly, you should know better than to lie to a doctor." He says smiling to her. "You sick?" He asks her, and when she doesn't respond he replies, "I'll take your vow of silence as a yes. Fever?"  
  
"Hawkeye, I'm fine." She says to him.  
  
"You sound like a broken record." He says to her, placing a cool hand on her forehead.  
  
"You're burning up." He says, reaching for a thermometer, but she stops him.  
  
"Don't." She says shaking her head. "I know I'm sick, I wanna finish operating."  
  
"Trust me, I know how it feels to be sick and operating. I had to do it before, alone. And by the time the last patient came through the doors I could barely stand." He says shaking his head. He notices her closing her eyes and asks, "You nauseous?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Throwing up?" He adds in, while checking her glands.  
  
"Not yet." She says smiling. "I have been willing myself not to for the past 12 hours."  
  
"That's why you didn't eat at lunch. I thought something was wrong, but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was."  
  
"We only have 5 more patients."  
  
"Go get sleep Kimberly. You have done well past your time here."  
  
"Listen, 5 more won't be to long of a time." She tells him.  
  
"Its at least 2 hours of work still Kim! You're sick! Go be sick!" He orders.  
  
"And what? Let you and BJ work another 6 hours when we could be done in 2 hours?  
  
No! I can't do that." She says. "I'll be fine Hawkeye. I have been so far!"  
  
"You've been lucky!" He says to her.  
  
"Let me finish. I can be sick later." She says stubborn. Hawkeye has definitely met his match with this girl. She was just as stubborn as he and her ego was just as high. if that was even possible. "I'm a doctor! I can tell when I have had too much! I will be fine!"  
  
"Fine. Do what you want." He says. "If it gets too hard don't be afraid to quit." He says, watching her. She slowly stands up, gets her balance and heads into the OR." Margaret was originally helping Hawkeye, but he would rather her assist Kimberly being that sick. "Margaret, I want you to assist Kimberly." He says, "Murphy, you'll be assisting me." Margaret nods and starts to head over, before Hawkeye grabs her arm,  
  
"She's sick. Watch her." He quietly tells her. "Kelley, gloves."  
  
"Alright." Margaret says, and heads over to Kimberly's table.  
  
"Scalpel." Kimberly calls to Margaret.  
  
"Scalpel." Margaret replies, keeping close tabs on Kimberly's condition.  
  
1hr later, BJ looks over to the young Captain's table, and sees that her color is getting increasingly worse. "Kimberly, how's it going?"  
  
"Fine thanks, how are you?" She says.  
  
"You know that's not what I was asking." BJ says to her.  
  
She ignores him and says, "Retract that would you?" She suddenly gets squirted in the mask with blood, and is almost sick. "Dammit! Where is that coming from?!" She says frantically searching inside the boy. "There, I need to pack that off. Come on Margaret!"  
  
"I'm trying doctor." She replied, helping Kimberly pack off the bleeder. Finally the get it tied off, and they begin to close. She calls for another patient, before Hawkeye can protest. The patient wasn't requiring a long operation, just cleaning out some shrapnel from his legs and arms, so it wouldn't take too long. During the middle of the operation, however, she got extremely shaky. "Doctor? Are you alright?" Margaret asks.  
  
"Fine." She says, trying to stop shaking. Margaret looks over at Pierce, and they lock eyes.  
  
"Miller, are you alright?" Pierce asks.  
  
"If one more person asks me that, I'm gonna go insane." She says, finally stopping her hands from shaking. "Forceps." She calls for, and Margaret hesitates, "Come on dammit! I need forceps!" She practically yells. She knew that she wouldn't be able to last much longer, but wanted to finish up this patient. BJ and Hawkeye exchange looks, and return their attention to their patients.  
  
Finally, after almost 15hours of cutting their day was over. Pierce, Hunnicut, and Miller went into the scrub room to wash their hands, and go back to their tents. When they came out of surgery the sun was up.  
  
"Yet another successful day Doctors." Pierce calls.  
  
"Yes. I agree." BJ replies.  
  
"Now, Kimberly, I want you in your tent, in bed, and not coming out of there until you are better." Hawkeye says to her, as they walk out of the OR. "Do you hear me?"  
  
"Yeah." She says, her coloring as white as their masks, except her cheeks, which were bright pink. While walking, back to their tents, Kimberly suddenly gets extremely dizzy, then everything goes white and then black. Hawkeye quickly turns and grabs her before she hits the ground. She is out cold. "Shit." He says.  
  
"Get her to Post-Op." BJ says to him, as they both quickly make their way into the Post-Op, and lay her down on a bed.  
  
"She's burning up." Hawkeye says, just as Margaret walks into post-op.  
  
"What happened?" She asks them, alarmed.  
  
"She passed out about 2 minutes ago." Hawkeye tells her. "Give me a thermometer."  
  
"Here." She says, pulling one out of the soaking alcohol.  
  
"104.5" Hawkeye says, shaking his head.  
  
"We have to get her temp down and quick." BJ Replies.  
  
"Yeah. Margaret go get some ice and a wet cloth." Hawkeye says to her. She nods and runs to get the supplies. A few minutes later, she brings them back. "Put this at her feet."  
  
He says, handing one of the ice packs to Margaret. He places one pack under her neck and 2 at her sides, and a cloth on her forehead. By the time they are done she is shivering from the cold. She starts trying to pull away from the cold, thrashing around, BJ puts his hand on her shoulders, "Come on Miller, your alright. Relax." He says. "You need this." He says, hoping to calm her down. He looks up at Hawkeye who has his hand on her forehead trying to keep the wet towel on.  
  
"Relax Kimberly." He says to her. "You have a very high fever, and we need to bring it down. Don't fight us." She slowly starts to calm down, but is still shivering. "Keep these on for about 20 minutes, and then recheck her temp." He tells Margaret. "I need to get some sleep." He says.  
  
"Right Doctor." She says, writing down what he said on her chart. "You should get some sleep too BJ." She says, not looking up from the chart.  
  
"Yeah Margaret, I'm going, you should do the same also." BJ says, following Hawkeye out of the Post-Op, but before they hit the door, Hawkeye turns around, "Come get me if anything changes." He says. "Get another Nurse to take over, and get some sleep Major." He tells her as he catches her yawning. "Consider that a threat and not an order." He throws in then walks out and over to the swamp. Hawkeye goes over to the still and pours BJ and himself a martini. "What a day." BJ says, taking the martini, and laying on the bed.  
  
"I'll second that." Hawkeye says, quickly downing his martini, and placing it back on the still, before flopping face first on his bed. "I could sleep for the entire war."  
  
"I second that." BJ says smiling, and closing his eyes.  
  
"Wake me when the war is over." Hawkeye says, as his normal before sleep line.  
  
Back at Post-op, Margaret, tries to stay by the young doctor's side, but realizes that she must also sleep. "Smith." She calls to the nurse, who was on her shift.  
  
"Yes Major?" She says coming over to her.  
  
"I need you to keep a check on Captain Miller alright?" She says, yawning again. "If any change occur go wake up Captain's Pierce and Hunnicut. All you have to do is follow the orders on her chart."  
  
"Alright Major." She says, looking over the chart.  
  
"If you need anything I'll be in my quarters."  
  
"Of course Major." She says, and watches the major leave.  
  
Around 6 hours later, Lieutenant Caroline Smith walks over to the Swamp to wake up the 2 doctor's. She knocks on the Swamp door and calls, "Hawkeye, BJ, you better wake up and come quick." When they don't wake up, she goes in and shakes Hawkeye. "Captain Pierce!"  
  
He stirs, and opens his eyes, "What is it Lieutenant?"  
  
"It's Captain Miller. Her fever has gone down but she is putting up an awful fight. She is thrashing around..." That was all she had to say,  
  
"BJ get up. It's Kimberly." He says, pulling on his boots quickly, grabbing his bright red bathrobe and heads out of the Swamp, with BJ on his tail. They get in, and she was thrashing about.  
  
"Kimberly." Hawkeye says, trying to restrain her. "Calm down, you're ok." He tells her.  
  
"What is her fever down too?"  
  
"103.5," Kelley says, looking at her chart.  
  
"That's not low enough. Keep administering the penicillin." Hawkeye says to her. "Grab a wet rag, and keep it on her head." He says.  
  
"Do you want a sedative?" Kelley asks.  
  
"Did I ask for a sedative?" He says with venom dipping from his words to the nurse.  
  
"Don't you give her anything ok? Only what I tell you, or BJ." He tells Kelley and sits down next to the young Captain, and keeps his arm firmly against her shoulder. She seems to calm down once someone is with her, so he decides he best stay with her.  
  
"What do you think Hawk?" BJ asks him, looking over her chart."  
  
"That it's just you and me for a while." He says, sighing.  
  
Shortly after, Margaret comes in to Post-Op and walks over to where Hunnicut and Pierce are, "How is she?"  
  
"Sick." Hawkeye replies.  
  
"I think that we should give ourselves a flu shot. It just came in, and it's brand new." Margaret says, before being cut off by Hawkeye...  
  
"Major Houlihan, if you even think of coming anywhere near me with that flu shot you have another thing coming to you." He says, "Remember the last time you injected me with that devil serum?"  
  
"Pierce, this is different. They have made it better, I mean sure it's just a trial, but it should help."  
  
"Margaret, no, I will not take that shot, I have never been sicker than I was the last time you gave it to me! I am healthy now, and I intend to stay that way!"  
  
"Fine, take your chances, BJ, what do you think?"  
  
"I think that I also am going to pass on that Margaret. We are down to two doctors already."  
  
"And we are down nurses too Hotlips, I would recommend you not taking it either. I for one will not give you the shot." Hawkeye adds on.  
  
"I didn't get sick from the last batch; you probably just had it in your system." She says before once again getting cut off by the Captain,  
  
"Major, YOU were LUCKY not to get sick, and maybe I did have it in my system, but I know that before that shot I was feeling 100% and a few hours after, I was on my ass."  
  
"Pierce."  
  
"Major, it is in your best interest, along with the people you work with and your patients, to NOT take that shot." Hawkeye says quite stubbornly, holding a thermometer in place in Kimberly's mouth. "Has she woken up at all?" He calls to the Lieutenant.  
  
"No Captain, she hasn't. They only movement we have had from her was her thrashing around a bit." Lieutenant Smith replies.  
  
"She should have woken up." He says sighing. He looks at the thermometer, shakes his head and then holds it out for BJ to read it.  
  
"Its not going down much is it?" Margaret asks.  
  
"No, not much at all." Hawkeye replies, before standing up. "I better check on the other flu patients."  
  
"I'll help." BJ says nodding, taking one half of the room, he stops at Frank's bed, "Frank. How are we feeling today?" He asks smugly.  
  
"How is it that you aren't sick Hunnicut?" Frank asks, in a feverish state.  
  
"Someone up there likes me." He smiles pointing upward to the sky. "Now shut up and open your mouth." He says stuffing a thermometer in it. After a few minutes, he takes the thermometer out of his mouth and checks the temp, "And the lucky number if the day is 102. You should be back in the swamp and annoying us in no time Frank." He says, as he walks around to the other flu patients.  
  
About an Hour or so later, after the nursing shift changes, Nurse Able calls out,  
  
"Hawkeye? She's waking up." Immediately Hawkeye runs over to her bedside, "Kimberly? Can you hear me?" She starts to stir, and he keeps talking to her, "Open your eyes Kimberly. Come on, you can do it." She finally is able to look at him and he says, "There you go. You gave us quite a scare there Doctor." He smiles.  
  
"What happened?" She asks, in a very quiet tone.  
  
"You passed out around 4 hours ago. You had a really high fever, but we were able to bring it down a bit." She nods. "Right now, just rest alright? We need you well soon."  
  
"Alright Hawkeye." She says, closing her eyes again.  
  
"Able?" He calls.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I want you to still keep a close eye on her alright? I still don't like her temp being up in the 103's."  
  
"Yes doctor." Able says, looking at Kimberly's chart. "Hawkeye?" She asks, noticing how pale he has gotten since last night. "Are you feeling alright?"  
  
"Yeah, fine, I just need some sleep." He says, lying. The truth was he was feeling miserable, but wouldn't allow himself to be sick, especially when it was only him and BJ left in the picture. He didn't know how BJ would be able to handle flying solo. "If you need me I'll be in the Swamp."  
  
"Alright." She says, giving him one more look over, before moving onto another patient.  
  
Hawkeye gets outside, and feels the cool air hit his face. He feels better outside, but he knows that won't last too long. "How am I going to get through this." He says, groaning. He body already was aching. He felt almost as bad as he did when he had to fly solo a year ago. He got back to his bunk, and flopped face first down, falling fast asleep. He hoped that after he got an hour or two of shuteye, he would feel better, but that just wasn't the case..  
  
TBC..  
  
******* TBC  
  
Thanks for bearing with me! I hope you are enjoying the story so far! Please R&R Once again, sorry the Update took so long! The next chapter will be up very soon! *STARY* 


	9. Sickness and Saddness

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MASH, no matter how much I would love too, I don't so please don't sue me!

"Dr. Pierce." Able calls to him through the window. "Hawkeye. Wake up." She says, finally giving up, she walks into the Swamp. "Hawkeye."

"Huh?" He groans.

"You are due in Post-Op." She says.

"So why are you waking me and not Radar?"

"Because I'm off Duty and Radar is sleeping."

"You just wanted to see me before you went to sleep didn't you?"

"Get up and get over to Post-Op. BJ's waiting for you." She says smiling and turns on the light.

"I have a better idea, how about you and I let BJ wait for another couple of minutes, and we lay in my bed for a while and…."

"Now Captain." She says smiling as she walks out the door.

"Have some nice dreams of me." He snickers. He looks at his watch and sees that it is 3am. "I didn't think I slept that long." He says, but it wasn't until he got up when he realized once again how horrible he felt. "Ugg." He groaned, swinging his feet over the side of the cot. He slowly stands up and goes over to the mirror where he sees how pale he looks. "Huh, I look just as bad as I feel." He sighs before pulling on his jacket and walking over to relieve BJ.

"Hey, you're off." He says yawning.

"Thanks." BJ says smiling, and looking up from a chart he was writing on.

"Any problems?"

"One. Stevens. He's Frank's patient."

"Of course." Hawkeye says, rolling his eyes.

"He's gone through about 6 units of blood since he has come out of OR, the other night and he has a fever."

"Six units?" Hawkeye says, looking at the chart.

"Yeah. We may have to go back in on him, and I would definitely recommend either you or I do it rather than involve Frank." BJ replies.

"I'll keep my eye on him." He says.

BJ finally gets a good look at his best friend and says, "You alright Hawk?"

"Fine, why?"

"You don't look too well."

"No BJ, I am fine." He says trying to put up a good front.

"Are you sure? I mean maybe you should just take tonight off. Do you have the flu?" He asks full of concern.

"BJ, I am fine. Don't worry about me. Go get some sleep."

"If you need me just come and get me."

"Good night BJ." He says sitting down at the desk.

"Good night Hawk." He says walking out of Post-Op. He runs into Margaret who is doing her rounds now. "Morning Margaret."

"Good morning BJ. Are you just coming off?" She asks.

"Yeah, are you going on?"

"No, I am just going to check on my nurses, and see how most of them are feeling."

"Maybe you should check on Hawkeye too."

"What do you mean?" She asks, pulling her coat tighter around her.

"I think he may be getting the flu."

"You have got to be kidding me." She says sighing.

"I'm afraid not. You go see him and tell me how he looks to you. He won't dare say that he's sick though, he's too proud. He wouldn't let me work alone."

"Unless it really starts to take toll on him." She says, shaking her head. "Damn, we are already short two doctors, 6 nurses, and one commanding officer/surgeon."

"I better go ask Radar to find us someone else, just incase." BJ says, yawning.

"Yeah, you may have too." Margaret says shaking her head. "I better go in and see how he is. I'll talk to you later BJ. Get some sleep."

"Will do. Good night Margaret."

"Good night." She says walking into Post-Op. "Evening Pierce."

"Evening Major." He says before adding in, "Or is it morning Major?"

"You look awful." She says to him.

"And you look absolutely perfect at three am too." He says, looking at her.

"That's not what I mean. Are you ill?" She asks.

"Why, Major what ever would make you think that?" He says, keeping his eyes down on the chart. She quickly puts her hand on his forehead. "You're warm." She says frowning.

"I'm warm-blooded." He says to her.

"Hawkeye, are you sick or not?"

"Not." He says, lying through his teeth.

"You feel fine?"

"I feel as good as could be expected." He says, standing up and walking over to check on Miller. "Hey kid, wake up." He says, shaking her a bit. "Come on Kimberly." She slowly opens her eyes.

"Hi." She says.

"Hi." He says smiling.

"You look like shit." She says.

"Hey, no diagnosing until you have a full bill of health."

"I don't need a full bill of health to know that you look like shit." She says turning her head and cough. "Are you sick?"

"Not as sick as you are." He says quietly.

"Yet." She says. "Why don't you just go and let yourself be sick?"

"I'm Chief Surgeon, and I am not about to let BJ be the only surgeon in the event of casualties."

"You did it."

"Yeah, and I hope to God no one else ever has to do it."

"You can't fight the flu."

"I know, but I can try to fend it off as long as possible."

"Yeah, I can see what a great job you are doing so far." She says.

"Well, how about you stop being a doctor for the time being, and just work on being a patient." He says, shaking his head.

"I think you better follow your suggestion." She says.

"Get some rest Miller." He says.

"You aren't going to take my temperature?" She asks.

"Oh yea. Open up." He says.

"You're slipping Pierce." She replies, and opens her mouth up. He takes her temperature and shakes his head when he sees the results. "Still high?"

"Around 102." He says.

"Now you take yours.'

"No." He says, standing up. "Get some rest."

"You too." She says, turning over.

He sighs and goes back over to his desk and sighs heavily.

"You alright Captain?"

"I am fine Major." He says frowning.

"You definitely don't look fine."

"Good thing I'm the doctor then and you're the nurse."

"What exactly does that mean Captain Pierce?"

"What ever you want it to mean Major." He relies sighing.

"You are hopeless."

"Thank you."

Margaret then huffs and walks over to the flu patients charts; she pays special attention to Frank's chart and his bedside manor.

As the hours go by, Hawkeye feels lousier than before, and it is beginning to take toll on him. Everything was beginning to ache, even his hair. He had trouble concentrating because of the nausea he was experiencing and his temperature was drastically changing from one minute to the other. Still, he insisted that he was fine to continue. He had too. There was just no other way. He had to keep reminding himself that he was doing this because he didn't want BJ in the same position he was last year. He finally gets up and heads outside saying, "Hey Bigelow? I'm heading over to the mess tent for a little while. If you need me find me there."

"Ok, Hawkeye." She says.

He gets up, stretches and walks outside, taking a deep breath of fresh air and strolls over to the tent. He opens the doors and grabs a cup of coffee then sits down at the table. A few minutes later, Father Mulcahy comes over. "Hello Hawkeye." He says smiling.

"Hello Father." He says taking a sip of his coffee.

"How are you this morning?"

"Fine Father, how are you?"

"I am doing well. I wasn't expecting to see you here though."

"Why not?"

"I thought you were sleeping."

"No. BJ and I have to alternate shifts all day and night until someone starts feeling better." He says, rubbing his eyes.

"And how are you feeling Hawkeye?" Father questions him.

"Fine father, how about you?"

"No flu symptoms yet." He says smiling. He looks Hawkeye up and down, and adds in, "Are you sure you are feeling well? You don't look it." He says, noticing his pale complexion.

"I'm fine Father." He says.

"Maybe you should let BJ work a bit more and you rest a bit more."

"Maybe, everyone should just stop worrying about me and let me do my job."

"Do you have the flu Hawkeye?"

"No." He says, flat out standing up, "And I am due back in Post-Op, so I will talk to you later on father."

"Hawkeye." Father Mulcahy calls to him. "Don't go too long alright? The flu gets worse before it gets better."

"I'll be fine Father." He says and walks back out of the mess tend and into the Post-Op.

BJ checks with Radar around 6:30 to see if he was able to find anyone to come help them out, "Radar… any luck?"

"None BJ. It's like a year ago all over again." He sighs.

"Well keep trying. I'm not sure how much longer we are going to have two of us."

"Right sir." He says continuing to call around.

BJ goes into Post-Op to check on his Bunkie. Hawkeye was leaning against his chair with his eyes closed, "You sleeping?"

"Nope." Hawkeye says, sitting up, "Just resting."

"You doing alright?"

"Fine. You should be home sleeping though. I heard we have a ton of causalities coming in soon."

"I'm fine." BJ smiles, "I'm worried about you."

"Well, don't be." He says, standing up to make his rounds. A wave off dizziness overcomes him and he steadies himself on the chair.

"Hawk?"

"So, are you here to work with me or are you just gonna stand around?"

"I'm going to sleep, just checking up on you." He says, "You know where I'll be if you need me."

"Quarter past dead?"

"Yup." He says, walking out of the Post-Op Ward, "Radar…"

"Nothing sir." He says, placing a call. "But I'll keep trying."

"Keep trying…" BJ says the same time as Radar. He laughs, thanks the small clerk, and goes back to the tent for a bit of shut eye.

Hawkeye is fading fast, and he knows it, but he is going to try and fight it until he can't go any more. "They are going to have to take me out on a stretcher." He sighs, pulling out a thermometer. He figures he may as well see how sick he is. It wouldn't make a bit of difference. He sticks the thermometer under his tongue and sits down, closing his eyes again, trying to keep the bile, which threatens to release itself from his throat, at bay. He willed the nausea away. About a minute later, he feels someone pull the thermometer from his mouth, "What in the hell?" He says, sitting up, opening his eyes.

"103." Margaret says, shaking her head, "You are NOT operating are you?"

"Well that is a dumb thing to ask me."

"Pierce, I can't let you go in there."

"So you can operate!"

"No, but BJ isn't sick. He can operate."

"Major, they took over hill 407. Do you know how many causalities they are expecting within the hour!"

"At least 200, I know, but most of the operations will be minor, and the nurses can suture…"

"And you can help BJ when a chest case comes through there right? You can take over a full operation?"

"Well…"

"Major, I have to operate. Kimberly, Potter, and Frank are all down and out. Most of your nurses are sick…"

"And you are going to get worse…"

"I am operating as long as I can stand. If I pass out at the table, I'll be sure to fall at attention."

Margaret smiles faintly, "You need rest Hawk…"

"What about you Margaret, you are looking a bit tired. Are you sick?"

"No. I have just been working a ton of shifts."

"Well, you better be careful…"

"Don't worry about me Captain."

"Likewise for me Major." He says, taking the thermometer back from her and placing it in a bottle of alcohol.

Two hours later, they were called to triage. Hawkeye has Margaret do the triage, so he and BJ can begin, right away, operating.

"Ok, scalpel."

"Scalpel."

"Suction."

"Suction."

"Ok Murphy, more suction."

"He's a mess." She says.

"I know." Hawk sighs, as the sweat begins to bead on his head. "Wipe my forehead please."

"You ok Hawk?"

"Fine Beej, how are you?"

"I'm fine." He says, looking over at his friend.

"How were the flu patients when you checked?"

"Kim's doing better, Frank will be fine in about two days, and Potter, he won't let me check him over."

"Figures."

"And you are doing awful I hear."

"Sponge…. I'm doing fine thanks."

"Hawk…"

"Beej… Um, get me some gel foam, yeah that-a-girl."

About six hours later, "Time." Hawkeye calls.

"About twenty hundred." Margaret says, looking at the wall clock.

Hawkeye sighs, "Alright, next patient. I also need new gloves."

By midnight, Hawkeye was struggling, "How many more are out there?"

"Four serious, six minor."

"Minor, how minor?"

"Fractures, dislocations, lacerations, the usual."

"Right." He says, sighing. Margaret wipes his forehead quickly, before he starts digging into the patient. "Thanks."

"Are you ok?"

"Major…" He warns. 

"Sorry." She says, handing him the instruments.

"Radar! Put the radio back on." BJ calls to the clerk.

"Right." He says.

"I think it got colder in here." BJ says, rubbing his neck, "Gloves and a gown please."

"I think your right." Hawkeye says, "However, it's warm in the chest of this boy." He complains in disgust.

"I bet." BJ says.

"I know another way it could be warmer in here…." He says, looking up at Margaret, "Blow in my ear."

"That's enough Captain." She smiles behind her mask.

Hawkeye finishes the major part of the operation when a wave of nausea overcomes him. He swallows hard, but it isn't helping much, "Margaret can you finish?"  
"Um…"

"Can you or can't you?"

"Yes." She says, "Why?"

"I need to step out for a minute." He says, quickly pulling off his gloves and exiting the OR as he speaks. He gets to the scrub sink and loses it. He has been fighting the flu for about a day now, and it was obvious there was no stopping it. He hangs on to the sink as he empties his stomach.

"You alright?" He hears a few minutes later.

"Fine."

"Will you go back to the swamp and relax now?"

"It isn't fair to you."

"You've done it before… and Radar is looking for a replacement."

"Let's just get through the next critical. Two each isn't going to hurt us."

"Yeah, but it will be pretty difficult for you to finish an operation having to run out of the OR to throw up every hour or so."

"I'll make it work."

"We might as well just hold the operations in the latrine, because that is where you will need to be."

"BJ, shut up." He says, knowing he is right. "Let's go."

"Right." He says, as they head back into the OR. He had to excuse himself four different times in two operations, before he finishes. "Thank god we have Margaret." He tells himself, "She may be a pain in the ass, but she is a damn good nurse."

After the fourth time leaving, his hands begin to cramp up and he was getting very dizzy, "Hawkeye…"

"Margaret…" He says, knowing what she is pushing at. She quickly closes her mouth and lets him do his own thing, "Margaret… you are something." He says, as she shoots her head up from the patient, "I mean really, I couldn't do this if you didn't know what you are doing."

She smiles, "Thanks."

"No, thank you." He says. Margaret shakes her head, "What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh no, what?"

"You are sick… you would never say this." She laughs.

"Thanks." He rolls his eyes. It is another hour before Hawkeye can't go on. His entire body is hurting now, and the room is spinning, "Margaret, can you finish this?"

"Yes." She says, looking at the patient, "I think so."

"Good, because I'm about ready to collapse." He says, holding onto the gurney, closing his eyes, "I'm sorry Beej, I just cant…"

"Don't worry about it, go back to the swamp, or to post op and recover." He says.

"If you need me…"

"We won't. There is just one more critical out there… someone came in, and then we have minor ones. Go back, get sleep. Kelley, help him out of here." BJ says before calling for silk. Margaret stitches up her patient and helps BJ get the other patient ready.

"Alright gang…" He sighs, as he has Murphy close up his patient, then he works on Margaret's with her. "Margaret, get some more suction please… no, around the bowel, yeah, right there." He says, "Ok… scalpel."

BJ didn't get out of surgery until 6:00 in the morning. He sits on the end of a gurney and sighs. Margaret puts a hand on his shoulder, "You did great BJ."

"You didn't do to bad yourself Margaret." He says, smiling back at her, "Why don't you get some sleep?"

"Because I have to go check on the flu patients first."

"I'll help you." He says, and the two walk into post op, check on the patients and retire back to the Swamp. He sees Hawkeye sleeping on the cot, and quietly bypasses him. He didn't care if he was in the Swamp sick or not because chances are he'll end up with the flu no matter what. He sits down and pours himself a martini and reads the letter he got yesterday from Peg for the third time. He looks at the picture that was sent to him of Erin and smiles. The sun wouldn't be up for another hour, so BJ decides he better try and sleep before hand. It was freezing on this winter night in Korea, so he puts some more wood in the stove and goes to sleep, only to be rudely awakened just a short five hours later by the P.A. System announcing the incoming wounded. He groans and gets out of bed, Hawkeye begins to do the same, "Where the hell do you think you are going?"

"To help you."

"I don't think so. Hawk… you aren't doing yourself or the patients any good if you operate when you are sick."

"You can't do it alone… not all day."

"I can because I have to." He says, placing a hand on his forehead, "Besides, you're burning up with fever. Hawk, just stay here, maybe someone else is well enough to get back into the game."

"If they aren't."

"You'll be the last one I call." He says, leaving the Swamp. "Margaret… you too?" He asks, looking at the pale complexion of the Head Nurse.

"I'll be ok…"

"That's what Hawkeye said..." He says, checking her over quickly, "Go lay down."

"BJ… you need someone who knows their way around a body, and none of the girls can do that."

"I have Able, Murphy, Kelley, and Bigelow is back, so we will be fine. Plus, Father Mulcahy, Klinger and Radar can help out. I want you back in your tent or in Post-Op this instant… in fact, Corpsman, escort the Major back to her tent, and make sure she stays there."

"Captain! I out rank you! I can…"

"Save it for when you are healthy Major." He smiles, and sends her on her way.

"Able and Kelley, triage, Bigelow and Murphy, come on in with me." He says, walking to the scrub room. While he is scrubbing up, Miller comes in, "Looks like you can use some help." She says.

"Are you ok to operate?" He asks, putting his hand on her forehead, "You still feel warm."

"I'm a lot better than I was." She sighs, pulling on her whites. "I'll only be able to go a little bit, but it can be something."

"If you are absolutely sure… how's your stomach?"

"Haven't thrown up since last night, so I think I'm just gonna be weak. I hear Hawkeye bit it?"

"Yeah, he's not doing too well. He's in the Swamp right now taking it easy."

"He didn't put up a fight to come in?"

"Not too much of one, but Margaret did." He says, beginning to scrub.

"She's sick too! You do need me." She smiles. "How are you doing?"

"Me? Fine." BJ says.

"You sure Hunnicutt?"

"Positive." He smiles, "I am not even feeling the beginning effects of the flu… yet."

"Well that's good." She says, scrubbing quickly, but carefully. "Ok, I'm ready." She sighs, as the two surgeons head into the lions den. "Where's the X-Ray for this one?"

Klinger brings it to her, "Here you go Kim."

"Put it where I can see it please." She sighs, "Thank you. Ugh, I really wish Hawk was well." She says, looking at the hole in the heart.

"Bad?" BJ asks.

"He needs a graph… I've done maybe five before…"

"One more than I have done." BJ says, "You want to switch?"

"No." She sighs, "I'll be fine."

"Right." BJ says, and begins asking for his tools.

"Kelley, I need you to find me a graph, about the size of my finger, and bring it."

"Right Doctor." She says, heading over to find a graph.

"You're going to have to work with me Abel, I mean if I run out of here, you are going to have to kind of hold down the fort until I get back."

"That's fine Kimberly."

"Ok, now, I need a lot of suction and keep bring it. Father, can you come here and pass me some instruments please?"

"Of course." He says. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just stay there, I need Able in the patient with me, so I need you to pass us instruments… god I wish Hawkeye was well."

"You'll do fine Kimberly." BJ says.

"Alright, Metz." She says, pointing to the instruments, "Scalpel."

"Scalpel."

"I need some suction, more, more," She says, grabbing the straw and putting it where she wants it, "Hold it there. Kelley, did you find it!"

"Is this long enough?"

She looks at it, "It will have to do, thank you." She says, putting her nose back into her work. BJ checks on her during the operation, but for the most part stays quiet. In two hours, she is finished and beginning to tire, but she didn't want to leave BJ high and dry. She sits down outside for a minute to get some energy back and then goes at her next patient. She barely gets through that one before she says, "BJ, I'm sorry, but I have to go lay down."

"It's fine." He smiles, at her under his mask. "Thanks for your help with the two."

She sighs heavily, "No problem. I'll hopefully be back in a little bit."

"Don't worry about it. I'll be fine." He says, "Go on."

She leaves the OR and he busies himself in all the patients there are. Finally after another 10 hours of surgery, everyone was fixed up. BJ crashes in the Swamp and sleep till the next morning. He wakes up hoping that if they were still sick that there would be no wounded. He saw Frank up and moving, "How are you feeling Frank?"

"Like you'd care." He grumbles.

"Ready to operate yet?"

"I'm fine." He says walking into the Swamp, "What's he doing sleeping?"

"He's sick."

"Not in our tent! Pierce! Pierce, get up, and get over to post-op."

"Hey, Frank, come on." BJ says.

" I am not getting sick again."

"Blow it out your ear Frank." Hawkeye groans, rolling over.

"Who else is sick?"

"Everyone, except for me."

"How did you not get it?"

"Oh Frank, I still have a couple more days to go before I can say that I can't get it." He smiles.

"You feeling ok still Beej?"

"Fine, how are you?"

"Dead."

"You'll be feeling better in no time." He smiles.

"MMMM." He groans.

It was about three days later when Margaret and Hawkeye returned to work. BJ never did get that devil's flu, and Hawkeye is jealous, but glad that it was BJ and not Frank who was healthy.

In May, Kimberly gets a letter that really disturbs her, but she has no idea what to do or how to deal with it.

Dear Kimberly,

I just got your letter, probably about two weeks ago or so by the time you get your letter. We are doing fine at home. Susan is getting really big. She is beautiful Kim, and asks about you all the time. I can't believe she is going to be three in a month! My mothers taking her to get her photo taken, and we will send you one as soon as we get them.

We are having a party for her on July 18, because both of our families can be there. She is very excited to turn three. I took her to the toy store the other day, which was a bad idea because I had to buy her a toy of course. She wants you home for her birthday, and who knows, maybe the war will be over by then. I am going to take a movie of her birthday and ship it up to you to watch, because I know you will love it.

Honey, I miss you a lot, and this is getting very difficult living this far apart from one another. I don't know what to do any more. Our daughter cries nightly because she wants you to tuck her in, and I don't know what to do. Your mother has had to do that because sometimes, I just don't cut it. She needs you Kim. I know that you are away, and its for a good reason, but we need you at home. I know the war can't last forever, but it's tough. Do you know how many points you have yet? Six months Kimberly, it's been six months.

I'm sorry, I must just be ranting now. I have to go put Susan down for a nap, and I'll write more later. This letter probably makes little to no sense, but its just thoughts right now.

Love,

Jack.

Kimberly puts the letter down on her night stand for the fifth time. She just doesn't know what to do. She is very upset by his letter to her, even though he probably doesn't mean anything. She feels that she is losing him, and this letter makes her feel even worse. "What kind of mother am I?" She asks aloud. 

"Attention all Personnel, lunch is unfortunately being served, that is all."

She sighs and gets up, placing the letter in her pocket, she exits her tent and heads over to the Mess.

"What will you have Captains?" Klinger asks. 

Kimberly didn't even notice the two surgeons next to her, who have been trying to get her attention for a few seconds.

"Just the salad and bread please Klinger." She says, looking over to BJ and Hawkeye, "Hi."

"Where were you?"

"What do you mean Hawk?"

"I mean, when we were trying to get your attention. Where were you?"

"Don't worry about it. I was just thinking."

"About what?" BJ asks.

"Since when are you one to pry!" Kim asks, shocked.

"Are you kidding me! Let me tell you something ma'am, if BJ decides he wants to find something out, then he will stop at nothing to find what he wants to find."

"That made good nonsense." Kimberly smiles as they head to a table.

"I've heard that somewhere." Hawkeye laughs.

"Anyway, what's the problem Kimberly?"

"Nothing." She says.

"Kim…"

"Drop it." She says, standing up and throwing her tray out, "I'm suddenly not hungry. I'll see everyone later." She says, and walks to her tent.

She re-reads the letter a few more times, before throwing it down on the floor, lying down on her bed, and then the tears begin to fall. She has time to think about it, and in her eyes she seems like the worst mother and wife ever. She left her family because she was a surgeon, a damn good one. She shouldn't have agreed to come here. She shouldn't have wanted to come here, but here she is, and her daughter is crying every night. "The war can't last forever Jack? It already has." She quietly cries herself to sleep. She didn't know what else to do. She needs the sleep because last night she didn't sleep at all because of this letter, and today she was utterly exhausted. She sleeps as long as she could, and then there was a knock at the door. She rubs the sleep out of her eyes, and says, "Come in."

"Ok, lets talk." Hawkeye says, sitting down on the end of her bed, "Because I'm not leaving until I get something out of you. Klinger told BJ and I that you were up the entire night."

"And you woke me up."

"So, lets talk." Hawkeye says.

She sighs and takes a breath, not knowing where to start exactly, but knows that she has to talk to someone. BJ would probably understand more, but Hawkeye was here, and she was closer to him than BJ. "I don't know where to begin…"

"How about the beginning?" He suggests.

She looks at the blue eyes and says, "Well…"

TBC

R&R

I decided to start this story up again, so bear with me!

Thanks for bearing with me! I am trying to fix grammar since this story was first written about a year ago. I hope you are enjoying the story so far! Please R&R Once again, sorry the Update took so long! The next chapter I hope will be posted soon! And my other story, Life time, will be updated sooner than that!

STARY


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